Favourite sayings, quotes or philosophies What's yours?

[Straitened Out]

As per my moniker, "I wonder what the poor people are doing!"... and, of busy times; "busier than an ant at a butchers' picnic."
Cheers
S.O.

[envee]

"when God was handing out brains he thought he said trains and asked for a slow one"

Greenant

And when he said "Chins" I thought he said "Gins"..........................
So I ordered a double !!

[Roo]

Busy..."Flat out like a $hitcarters hat".
Surprise, dejection and directions to distant man made watercourse..."Far Canal".
The current hairstyle trend for teenage boys..."Head like a half sucked mango".

the motto I like to think I'll fulfil..."Live hard and die young in a nice pair of shorts". It was printed on the back pocket of a pair of Mambo Board shorts I bought about 20 years ago.

[RebsWA]

I have two philosophy's I try to abide by:-

• If you have no control over it, then dont worry about it.
  
• Not planning ahead (except trips and fishing and good stuff). Because failures comes as a complete surprise and is not preceeded by periods of worry!
  
  And a few favourite sayings to go on with, apologies if they have already appeared.
  
  Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive
  Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
  The trouble with doing nothing is you never know when your  finished
  Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, steak in one hand, beer in the other, body used up and worn out, screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
  Danger is nature's way of eliminating stupid people.
  Greenies are like fertilizer they are OK, if spread very thinly over the ground
  Borrow money from a Pessimist-They DON'T expect it back!
  If Nissan made a prop plane using the ZD30 - would you fly in it?
  How did that one get in there?
  Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  And the cardiologist' s diet:-  If it tastes good spit it out. 
  By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
  Every where I go I bring pleasure. Sometimes it's when I arrive... but usually its when I leave!
  

[camdyson]

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"Those are my principles and if you don't like them......Well, I have others."

Groucho Marx

Basically everything the guy ever said cracks me up!

Cam

[graylyn]

He's not the brightest light on the Christmas tree.

If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow the wax out of his ears.

AND ONE FOR THE LADIES:

It's not the magic in the Magician's wand; it is the MAGIC IN THE MAGICIAN.

[dragonsgirl]

My favourite is....if brains were ink you wouldnt have enough for a full stop!!!

[Maîneÿ . . .]

 

  " It's nice to be important, however it's more important to be nice  " 

[D4D]

A few more
- no sh!t sherlock
- thanks captain obvious
- does a bear sh!t in the forest?
- flat out like a lizard drinking
- more chins than a Chinese phone book
- couple of cans short of a slab

[kremmen]

Even a broken watch tells the right time twice a day.

Your chins hit more balls than allan borders cricket bat.

[terravista]

I don't know if these apply, but my boss is of Italian origin, and tends to mix his metaphors.
Here's some of them.

*The bank is a bit spectacle about the deal  (sceptical)
*The bank is between two hard baskets
*She had an autopsy on her neck
*It doesn't take an iron lung to work that out
*He's in a catch 69   (99   42    88 etc)
*I went through it like a fine tooth pick (fine tooth-comb)
*He was as happy as a pig in Larry
*He's done really well, he's feathered his own wing
*I don't know if I'm looking up the wrong bark tree
*He had a gash on his head bleeding like a stuffed duck
*He's really changed, he's had a complete 99 degree turnaround
*Don't have all your baskets in one bank
*It's not the best block of land, it's in the back of a Cadillac (cul-de-sac)
*It got my back up, like a furry dog on fire.
*I asked him, where do you expect me to get the money, go out and pluck a cow?
*He had a talk with the euthanasiast (Anaesthesiologist)
*I've got a sore leg, I've got a spleen on my foot  (spur)
*The brick wall had infections and we had to render it (defects)
* My mums got a bad back and hostis perostis (osteo perosis)
* He keeps changing his mind like Hackle and Hyde
*The expert talked to Steve, and he put the feathers up him.
* I'll go over it with a good tooth brush (fine tooth-comb)
* He got off his high horse and got on his high heels.
* He calls a spade a spade, and an ace an ace.

I can't put crap on him, he speaks English better than I speak Italian, but when you're in a meeting with someone, it's bloody hard not to laugh.

[kranky al]

a negative thought is a down payment on an obligation to fail  <-- dad had this on the back of the dunny door - i will too when i have kids

seen better heads pointed at pisstroughs

id rather nail me nuts to a burning building

[Pipeliner]

I find it interesting that the majority of these sayings are aimed at making derogatory comments about someone's visual or mental attributes.  Is that because we can only feel good by making someone else feel bad?

My favourite philosophical saying:

"As I was sitting on a chair I knew the bottom wasn't there, nor legs, nor back, but I just sat ignoring little things like that"

Or in other words, don't let little dificulties get in the way of what you want to do.

[Redback]

My philosophy

"Never become good at something you don't like"

And my favourite Quotes from the master.
There is an art, or, rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

Douglas Adams

[D4D]

Were you born stupid or is it an acquired talent?

[darren]

This is another i go by.

I never practice anything, Your either naturally good at it or you shouldnt be doing it...

Thats served me well.

[hgmonaro]

to stupid to own a computer
make like a tree and get out of here.. Monty Python I think
There's two sides to every story and then there's the truth
jack of all trades, master of none


and my fav, whenever I'm fixing/making something...

a blind man would be glad to see it

[moonie80]

An old plumber I used to know always said, "a thing of beauty is a pleasure forever". He lived by that and it showed in his work!

[Gunna Do]

I like to believe in Karma and the saying "What goes around, comes around!"

[Black Diamond]

Im RETIRED........

I was tired yesterday and i am tired today 

[graham]

there a three kinds of people in this world         those that can count, an those that cannot .       and i would like to thank God for making me a athiest .    cheers Graham

[moonie80]

To idiots, : There are two kinds if people in the world, Wankers and Liars, which one are you ? 

[Muso]

As useless as an ashtray on a motorbike.

Bumper sticker.....It took an amateur to build the Ark, it took engineers to build the Titanic.

[dno]

Couldn't organize a piss up in a brewery.

Don't cross the river before you get to the bridge.

Assumption is the mother of all fu@kups.

Couldn't pull the skin of a rice custard.

Pulls harder than a teenage boy.

Life is just one big educational excursion.

[toeball]

I was asked to write a reference for an employee, in it I said "he works well under constant supervision"......