Favourite sayings, quotes or philosophies What's yours?

[toeball]

Has a head like a smashed crab.....

When a bloke saw me and asked me why I was ignoring his calls I responded with "I have a very low d*ckhead tolerance level and the quota had already been met at smoko". All I got from him was silence 

[Duchess]

My sign at work on the coffee machine reads "I can only please one person a day and today is Not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either."

Another fave at the moment is from a movie...

"I don't subscribe to coincidence. I believe that no matter how random things might appear, there still is a plan."

[Barrabart]

I had a sneeking suspicion this topic would take off.....

I've thought of couple more,

here's a couple for someone with bad teeth.........

"you've got a smile like a row of condemned  sh*t houses"
or
"you've got a smile like a smashed stubby"

someone with not so good looks,

"you've got a face like a dropped pie"
or
"i've seen better heads in a p*ss trough".


oh, here's one to describe how fair / white someones skin is.....

"Geeez, your skin would burn watching the fire works"

for those with fat faces, double chins etc.....

"you'd need a bookmark to find your own collar"
or
"more chins than a Chinese phone book"

[Bushman]

If you wake up and your still breathing, it's a good day.

[topcat]

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

A head like a robber's dog

[Crusader]

I would rather die like a Lion , than live like a mouse.

But my all time favourite. You don't win a war by dying for your country, you win it by making the other dumb bastard die for his.  (Gen George Patton)


Regards

Crusader

[Pauly]

if brains were sugar you'd be a lemon.


Driveway dosnt make the road.

im gunna slap the taste outta your mouth.

50 cent short of a dollar

[envee]

When people ask " What do you know?"

I reply "Everything, ask me something!"

Normally met with either stunned silence, or "umm arr ................ can't think of anything"

Another favourite " I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!"

[Barrabart]

"All hunched up like a greyhound trying to r**t a cricket ball"..................... Kenny.

[jetcrew]

THERE'S A FINE LINE BETWEEN HARD AND RETARD!

[bullfrog]

Some I use /hear in the motor trade
...fixing that is like trying to make strawberry jam from dog Shit....
.... can't polish a turd....
......if brains were made of Shit you wouldn't even stink....
...... he's as dodgy as a $3 coin...
A good one after a BIG night on the grog & you don't feel like talking & someone asks "What were you on?  just tell 'em "your sister".....
I'll ava nuva can & think of some more.

[Patr80l]

"Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk."   Jerome Howard.

[Frostd]

One that comes to mind, when your looking for something and it is right in front of you.

If it was a black snake, it would have bitten me.

[Jon]

"It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees."

Peter Garrett.
Oh the irony.

[Heiny]

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they are going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

If you were a battery you would have two negative terminals

Accept that some days you are a pigeon and some days you are statue.

When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.

[bungie]

land rights for gay whales 

[Kit_e_kat9]

Philosophies:
It's all about the journey ...
De Camino A La Verada ... (do not stray from the path)
Be True to Oneself ...

Sayings:
Baffle them with bullShit ... (my dad loved that one)
I love it like a hole in the head ...
Not happy Jan ...

Quotes:
She can't cook, she can't clean, she can't drive, she's not much to look at ... but I married your mother anyway ... My Dad
The more people I meet ... The more I like my dog ... Fridge Magnet

Kit_e

[rescue1]

The politicall correct version of couldn't organise a root....
Couldn't organise a sand castle in the Sahara

An elephant is a mouse built to governments specs...

About as funny as a fart in a lift

As usefull as a hip pocket on a singlet / tits on a bull / clothes line in a nudist colony

2 beers short of a shout

and for those you think should be shot be subtle and suggest red dot therapy instead (red dot from laser gun sight)

[dno]

 

[greenant]

A mate of mine always says when he is building something
"rough enough is good enough its not a boat"  and

"when God was handing out brains he thought he said trains and asked for a slow one"

Greenant

[D4D]

A saying I use for older ladies who spend too much time at the tanning salon - you could make a nice leather jacket out of her face

A saying I use for ladies who have pronounced teeth - she could eat an apple through a picket fence

[briann532]

Why don't I agree with you so we can both be wrong!

And

It may be the sole purpose of my life to make yours miserable.

[HEM19X]

My 4wding motto.

Believe none of what you hear, 1/2 of what you see & all that can be proven.

also

Wether you think you can or think you can't, you are probably right [Henry Ford? I think]

Hem

[Estelle]

Many quotes from Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, but this one in particular,

If thou art pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs thee, but thy own judgement about it. And it is in thy power to wipe out this judgement now. But if anything in thy own disposition gives thee pain, who hinders thee from correcting thy opinion? 
(part of a longer quote/meditation)

[albyback1]

Even if you win the rat race..................... you're still a rat!