Favourite sayings, quotes or philosophies What's yours?

[Joff]

I hate small cars, they clog up my treads

I'll never be useless, i can always serve as a 'bad example'

[D4D]

I don't mind coming to work but the 8 hour wait to go home is just bullsh!t

[Cozzie]

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I'd rather shove wasps up me arse!

[austastar]

Hi

On a kid's shirt...."All Mommy wanted was a back rub"

cheers

[Kit_e_kat9]

Plenty of good one's from the 'Castle' 

How's the serenity.

Tell him he's dreaming.
.
BD

Loved that movie.  Think it's my all time favourite.

What are these darling?  They are delicious!  ... Rissoles.   

Kit_e

[MADCOW]

Shit happens!!

As flat as a Shitcarters hat!

vanished a fast as a fart in a fan factory.

Me best china plate

The financial manager ( we all have one don't we?)

[Joff]

**** happens!!

As flat as a ****carters hat!

vanished a fast as a fart in a fan factory.

Me best china plate

The financial manager ( we all have one don't we?)

Do you mean the 'Minister for War and Finance'?

[MADCOW]

Do you mean the 'Minister for War and Finance'?

Yep they are called that too? i keep reminding mine that she has great taste

Usual response "Keep Dreamin"

[Vince]

There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them - push and pull

[Johnno convert]

You're entitled to your own opinion...It's wrong, but you're to it. (This one is all in the delivery )
If I wanted your opinion I would...
1/ Beat it out of you.
2/ give it to you.
3/ ask someone else
4/ only be after what not to do.
Gee we are a negative bunch eh? We must work with some very challenging people.

[ralphedward]

' Women - can't live with 'em --------- can't live with 'em'

Come on guys, ya know it's true  --- ducking for cover NOW!!!!!!

[D4D]

Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em

[Johnno convert]

Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em

beat me and others to it  Having said that I don't have any such issue with my wife!! She is a treasure (and no that doesn't mean I want to bury her...you guys have bad minds!!)

[morgue]

A couple here..

If they did'nt have ...... you would throw rocks at them.(Secret Men's Business)
If I want your opinion, I will give it to you. From a great movie.
What goes around, comes around. I can vouch for this expression as I have seen this in life, many times...
Hope your flees turn into emues and kick your dunny down.
Fk this, I'm outta here!, used that a few times, I must say.
Nothin like the smell of napalm early in the morning. Applies to many things, from a great movie.
Give a man a break for fk sake.
So, have I got a sign saying fkwit stapled to my forehead, sucker? From a great movie.
Grinnin up like a fat spider.
I'm Busier, than a one armed brickie in Afghanistan.
Don't, play with the bloody thing! Give it ****e!
Bend over and kiss your arse goodbye ?
Needs a good Rodgering with a pineapple?
Someone needs to fk some sense into ..... (Secret Mens Business again)
Go and take a flying fk at a pineapple.
So, who gives a Fk?
Yeh, and pigs fly ?
Stick the boot into it!, An old driving term...used many times in my youth.
Hang on boys, were going down!, used that a few times when youthfully  driving ,I must say.
Useless, as tits on a bull.
Politicians, who gave them the right to speak Shite...

[Johnno convert]

Hope your flees turn into emues and kick your dunny down? I believe it was chooks as in http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-hope-your-chooks-turn-into-emus-lyrics-famed-aussie-poem/

[bullfrog]

A mates father has some rippers, some can't be posted  , but some he uses are
... as tight as a fishes ar$e.. both in reference to $$ & to a close fit
....like a carrot up a cats ar$e.. a very tight fit
.... as dry as a witches tit... needing beer / rain / some type of lube
..... as much use as a tin d!ck on a wooden horse...
..... she has so many wrinkles she has to screw her hat on.. a not real pretty lady
  And one I always get a chuckle out of when he refers to " the ways of the youngens these days", ie, jumping on anything with a pulse
.... It's a dirty duck that paddles in the one pond, but it's a dirtier pond that the ducks all come to paddle in...you work it out  .

[POM Graham]

Here are a few i have used over the years
"As much use as a condom machine in the vatican"
"He/she could open beer bottles with her overbite" (On people with big teeth)
"I hate feeling like a spare dick at a wedding"
"If arseh0les could fly this place would be an Airport"
"As usefull as a solar powered torch"

Graham

[TroyE]

as per my sig you can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter  ever the optimist
got a good head for radio/ got a voice for mime
stress, the confusion between the mind and the body,when the mind overrides the bodies basic desire, to choke the living sh!t out of someone!!!
feed it to it! re slow drivers
where did you get your licence? from a weeties packet?
FIGJAM
I've got a response to every thing, I don't guarantee, it'll be accurate, or even remotely related to the subject though
if brains were feet, you'd have no legs
that's a good question, ask me another?

just some of the dribble that runs from my mouth from time to time and there's a (shirt load) more just got a (mental blank), there's another 2 just there

[topcat]

There are two things I hate - racism and the French

or

There are two things I hate - male chauvanist pigs and women who won't do what they are told

[D4D]

My old favourite... I'm not racist, I hate everybody equally

[Cozzie]

DILLIGAF

[solarpanel4]

 Fighting for freedom is like phucking for virginity

   Jeff

[MattNQ]

A common one at our work when pondering the latest short-sighted, illogical and poorly thought out decision by higher management...

"I'm sure smarter people than us have thought this through..."

[MarkGU]

some people drink from a glass, i drink from a fountain     

[Foo]

You picked that like a runny nose! 

Is the Pope a Catholic?