Aussie Expresions that make us laugh

[kizza1]

hes a pelican. flies in, makes alot of noise, Shits on everyone and f#$ks off
i dunno, your f#$king this cat im just holding its tail
were just mushrooms. (kept in the dark and fed bullShit)

[kizza1]

double post

[Hawk2014]

As rough as heshion undies

[listo]

He's so poor you can smell his sh*t through his ribs

He's so lazy, you have to squeeze his guts for him so he can fart

[speewa158]

Wouldn't shout if he was bitten by a shark 

[champin]

Gotta run around in the shower just to get wet
He's gotta stand in the same spot twice just to make a shadow

[sparksy]

So hungry  could eat the tailgate out of a night cart.

Got a head like a boarding house pudding.

[dales133]

As dodgey as a lesbian on heat at a fish market.

[Axl]

If a seagull had his/her brains it would still be a seagull.....

[speewa158]

l feel like Pelican   ,  Everywhere l look theres a massive great BILL in front of me                         

[Fizzie]

He's got deep pockets & short arms

It's a piece of p*** to a trained digger / piece of train to a p***ed digger 

Fart sack (sleeping bag)

Couldn't drive a nail with a 6 pound hammer

This place looks like a Chinese brothel on a free night

Time to hit the frog'n toad

I'll have one for the bitumen / bitch o' mine

I'll get one for Justin (Case)

Wouldn't it f*** you up the a*** like a mongrel dog

He went for a s*** & a sniper got him

Not worth a pinch of pelican poop on a cold winter's morning

Long tall streak of misery / pelican poop

Couldn't organise a wheel to roll downhill

[justice]

If brains were ink you wouldn't have enough for a full stop

[di008]

Happy as a poofter with 3 arseholes.
Head like a burnt thong

[GeoffA]

When they were handing out noses, he thought they said roses, and asked for a big red one.

When they were handing out brains, he thought they said trains, and missed his...

[jwb]

A Dingo's breakfast = A pi$$ & a good look around

[Trailer Bloke]

She bangs like a dunny door.
Lower than a snakes belly.
Go get me a left handed hammer.
Whinge whinge fkn whinge. (My favorite Mark "Chopper" Read quote)

[tracker]

   There's more drama here than a bus load of drag queens going to a wig sale.. !!!!!!

[Wazza999]

Couldn't organise a f### in a brothel.
Couldn't organise a pi$$ up in a brewery.
Couldn't find/fight his way out of a wet paper bag.
Couldn't navigate a sh!thouse.
Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.
So lazy he thought manual labour was a Spanish tennis player.
nickname Asprin - slow working dope
A Nth Qld special:
          So dopey he wouldn't know if it was nine o'clock in Julia Creek.
From the NT:
         mobs and biggest mobs
         ordering beer by the colour of the can - green=vb, white=carlton, yellow=xxxx, red=emu
bit of a bugger these days with all the boutique brewers!
One from Cairns of the 60's referring to speeding and two zealous local cops - If Bonner don't get you Zupp must.
There are also a whole bunch of racist ones I remember from my childhood that are very much best forgotten.

[Rodt]

A Nth Qld special:
          So dopey he wouldn't know if it was nine o'clock in Julia Creek.

I don't get it 

[Wazza999]

Not sure I did either. Julia Creek is a little town on the Mt. Isa road, my assumption was it's the same time all over the state and you should know? I may have forgotten the exact expression exactly, it may be 10 o'clock and hence  something to do with open pubs? It was an expression my father used and it's 30+ years too late to ask.

[Rodt]

No worries mate. I actually lived there for about 4 years back in the late 80s early 90s so was wondering if I was considered dopey 

Your probably right with the pub reference as it wasn't too hard to tell when they had shut 

Rod

[Moggy]

She was only the fishermans daughter.......
But she lay on the slab and said "fillet"

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[scarpsD40]

Only driven to church on Sundays replaced by

as well maintained as D4D's D4D

Or as clean as fuji's cub CT

[ronmac]

Dunno about laughing, but when I asked the old man a question about anything, he would always reply, "Its a wigwam for a goose's bridle". cheers Ron.

[Running A Muck]

I've spent most of my money on women & booze, the rest I've just wasted