Aussie Expresions that make us laugh

[Black Diamond]

Not the full bottle...
A few handshakes short of a wedding...
A few sandwiches short of a picnic...
A few 'roos in the top paddock...
His lift doesn't go all the way to the top...

A can short of a six pack?

[staghornflat]

Stone the flamen crows
Turn it up

[RallyDog]

Couple bricks short of a pallet
as week as a boarding house pudding
give him some cement pills to harden up

[Marschy]

Knowing my luck, it'd be raining virgins, and I'd be swimming in the gutter with p00fters

[Snapman007]

Uglier than a train smash.

[Paul Mac]

You have as much chance as pushing butter up a porcupines @rse with a hot knitting needle on a sweltering day.

Buckleys

Couldn't organise a root in a brothel with a fistful of $100's

You are as bright as the sun shining at midnight

Fair suck of the sav.

[Malcolm Tugless]

Sillier than a bum full of smarties.

[raider]

My old man used to say about someone " He'd have to practice to be an idiot "

[fisher]

Going to shake hands with the unemployed...

[db]

crissed as a picket

[smartyingreen]

Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a pigs ar#e

Yeah, nah.....

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[speewa158]

As popular as a wicker chair in a nudist camp  .
Flat as a $hyt carters hat
Cold as a Mother inlaws kiss
A lazy wind that goes through you rather than round you

[builder94]

Don't give him a beer he is stupid enough sober
More chins than a Chinese phone book
He's got two brain cells, they race around inside his head and when they collide, he farts

[Hdn96]

As full as a fat ladies undies


L.M.S.B.C

[D4D]

Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a pigs ar#e

My version is 'couldn't drive a greasy finger up a dogs ar$e'

[barnray]

How about, "uglier than the south end of a north bound cow"

[oldmate]

No wucken furries mate

[Moggy]

Full as a state school port rack.
There we were, 3 against 30.
F#*k we gave those 3 a hiding.
There we were halfway up the Owen Stanley ranges, 4 tons of icecream .........
and NO FKN cones

[heath74]

Let the dog see the rabbit
There's a whale in the bay
Mad as a cut snake
Went like a cut cat
Has to move around in the shower to get wet
Takes no prisoners
Taking names and kicking arses
More sh¥t than a werribee duck
Not on an island with a bloke called Friday

[Barry G]

What do you think it is? Bushweek???

No, Forestfortnight!   

[Davepatrol]

He's got a head on him like a dropped pie.

If he donated his brain to science they'd be getting a new one cause he's never used it.

[ako]

You might as well try pissing up a rope

Don't just stand there like a stale bottle of piss

It's like trying to poke Shit up a hill with a pointy stick

[kennyk]

Up sh!t creek in a barbed wire canoe and no paddle!

[robbo1172]

Tear them a new one...

[RallyDog]

As rare as bat sh""t
flash as a rat with a gold tooth
tight as a fishes a"s hole