Author Topic: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread  (Read 27731 times)

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Offline timmyh80

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #150 on: July 29, 2020, 06:50:55 PM »
"Late again!" The third-grade teacher sternly said to little Joe:
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!'
Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some- odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Joe what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Joe and trouble were
old friends but he always told the truth.

"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreled shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again I'm a gonna git him!"
"Stay back!" Daddy whispered to all us kids!

"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barrelled 12- gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!
Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this morning!"

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Offline timmyh80

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #151 on: July 29, 2020, 07:02:43 PM »
An old lady handed her personal card to a bank teller and said, "I would like to withdraw $500."
The female teller told her, "For withdrawals less than $5,000, please use the ATM."
The old lady then asked, "Why?"
The teller irritably told her, "These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line behind you."
She then returned the card to the old lady.
The old lady remained silent... but then she returned the card to the teller and said, "Please help me withdraw all the money I have."
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and said to the old lady, "My apologies Madam, you have $3.5 million
in your account. Our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?"
The old lady then asked, "How much am I able to withdraw now?"
The teller told her, "Any amount up to $300,000"
The old lady then told the teller that she wanted to withdraw $300,000 from her account.

The teller did so quickly and handed it to the old lady respectfully.
The old lady kept $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $299,500 back into her account.
Don't be difficult with old people... we can outwit the young and dumb.

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Offline Pete79

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #152 on: July 29, 2020, 09:32:28 PM »

Don't be difficult with old people... we can outwit the young and dumb.


True story;

Cruise into a Maccas drive through with 3 kids in the car.

Me: Can I have 2 cheese burgers and 1 hamburger please?
Maccas: Sorry sir, we can’t do the hamburger at this time.
Me: Seriously? The cheese burgers are fine, but you can’t make a hamburger at this time?
Maccas: Yes that’s correct sir. Would you like to order something else?
Me: Sure. Can I have 3 cheeseburgers, 1 with no cheese please?
Maccas: No problem....

::) ::)

Offline MDS69

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #153 on: July 31, 2020, 10:12:05 PM »
True story;

Cruise into a Maccas drive through with 3 kids in the car.

Me: Can I have 2 cheese burgers and 1 hamburger please?
Maccas: Sorry sir, we can’t do the hamburger at this time.
Me: Seriously? The cheese burgers are fine, but you can’t make a hamburger at this time?
Maccas: Yes that’s correct sir. Would you like to order something else?
Me: Sure. Can I have 3 cheeseburgers, 1 with no cheese please?
Maccas: No problem....

::) ::)

My young bloke has an intolerance to tomato sauce and is a fussy Shit as well so when ordering his cheeseburger from Maccas I say can I please have a cheeseburger, meat and cheese only. This one time he opened a burger box and not a wrapper to find a meat patty and a slice of cheese on top, no bun. Now I have to say can I please have a cheeseburger, meat and cheese only on the bun.

Offline alnjan

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #154 on: July 31, 2020, 10:32:39 PM »
My young bloke has an intolerance to tomato sauce and is a fussy Shit as well so when ordering his cheeseburger from Maccas I say can I please have a cheeseburger, meat and cheese only. This one time he opened a burger box and not a wrapper to find a meat patty and a slice of cheese on top, no bun. Now I have to say can I please have a cheeseburger, meat and cheese only on the bun.

You want fussy.   Try the bride.   So doesn't eat red meat but loves hamburgers.   Can I have a works burger with no meat onion?   
Cheers

Al and/or Jan

Offline glenm64

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #155 on: Yesterday at 07:24:31 PM »
 

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There's a big difference between kneeling down
......... and bending over.

Offline speewa158

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #156 on: Yesterday at 07:53:38 PM »


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That sounds like the unions  & Disaster State Dan in whats left of our once Great State of Victoria  .
You can go your own way . Treg Up & Make Dust