Author Topic: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread  (Read 25043 times)

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Offline Robbo

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #100 on: March 30, 2020, 01:51:04 PM »

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."
Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad."
"Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little "bastard " is called Kevin! ..

Offline Moggy

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #101 on: March 30, 2020, 02:04:31 PM »
^ Love it.
I'm stealing that

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Offline glenm64

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #102 on: April 01, 2020, 07:17:32 PM »
 

Cheers Glen

There's a big difference between kneeling down
......... and bending over.

Offline glenm64

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #103 on: April 01, 2020, 07:22:10 PM »
Heres its toilet paper. Bosnia and Herzegovina have their own rationing problems.

Cheers Glen

There's a big difference between kneeling down
......... and bending over.

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #104 on: April 02, 2020, 07:54:53 AM »
Bloody dog, GRRR
Just asked me if I would like the radio left on while he went out side, Bastard.
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Offline Steffo1

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #105 on: April 02, 2020, 08:21:04 AM »
I just read where one in three people are unfaithful.

This really upset me as I don't know whether it's the wife or the girlfriend!
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Offline xcvator

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #106 on: April 02, 2020, 08:28:24 AM »
I just read where one in three people are unfaithful.

This really upset me as I don't know whether it's the wife or the girlfriend!
;D ;D :cheers:
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Offline Bird

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #107 on: April 02, 2020, 10:45:29 AM »
The Black Death was a pandemic in the 1300's.

t seems that COVID-19 could possibly be called the Back in Black Death
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Offline rockrat

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #108 on: April 02, 2020, 11:15:16 AM »
The Black Death was a pandemic in the 1300's.

t seems that COVID-19 could possibly be called the Back in Black Death
Except the Black Death killed 30-60% of Europe’s population.


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Offline Bird

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #109 on: April 02, 2020, 11:41:11 AM »
Quote from: rockrat
Except the Black Death killed 30-60% of Europe’s population.
its early days yet.  N.W.O ;)
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Offline Kangaron

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #110 on: April 02, 2020, 12:23:27 PM »
https://www.facebook.com/Geelong.Cats/videos/2236482963322689/

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Offline glenm64

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #111 on: April 19, 2020, 08:46:12 AM »
 

Cheers Glen

There's a big difference between kneeling down
......... and bending over.

Offline Fizzie

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #112 on: April 19, 2020, 08:50:31 AM »
The really scarey bit is that you could easily imagine him doing it!!! ::)
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Offline glenm64

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #113 on: April 19, 2020, 11:03:15 AM »
 

Cheers Glen

There's a big difference between kneeling down
......... and bending over.

Offline glenm64

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #114 on: April 25, 2020, 08:14:48 PM »
 

Cheers Glen

There's a big difference between kneeling down
......... and bending over.

Offline glenm64

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #115 on: April 26, 2020, 09:53:39 PM »
There are 3 guys on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Cheers Glen

There's a big difference between kneeling down
......... and bending over.

Offline glenm64

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #116 on: April 26, 2020, 09:54:48 PM »
 

Cheers Glen

There's a big difference between kneeling down
......... and bending over.

Offline Robbo

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #117 on: April 26, 2020, 10:00:45 PM »
..

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Offline Bird

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #118 on: April 27, 2020, 11:55:43 AM »
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Online Pete79

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #119 on: April 27, 2020, 12:07:29 PM »
;)


Offline Fizzie

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #120 on: April 27, 2020, 01:27:46 PM »
Inject it!!! ??? :o

Jeez, I've been doing it wrong ::)

I thought you were supposed to drink the Dettol!!! ::)

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Offline speewa158

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #121 on: April 27, 2020, 09:57:36 PM »
Inject it!!! ??? :o

Jeez, I've been doing it wrong ::)

I thought you were supposed to drink the Dettol!!! ::)

 :cheers:
& now you are going to rub what ever of your brain cells together    ?   ,,,,,,,,,
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Offline Jeepers Creepers

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #122 on: April 29, 2020, 06:10:41 AM »

In the U.K., a very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her“Stammerers Action Group”. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. No-one was improving.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said"If any of you can tell me, without stuttering, the name of the town where you were born I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?"

The Englishman piped up.
 "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham."
 "That's not good, Trevor," said the speech therapist. "OK, who's next?"

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out
 "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".
“That's no better.
 There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish.”

“How about you, Paddy?”
The Irishman took a very deep breath, and eventually blurted out
 " London ."

“Brilliant, Paddy!” said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise. After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said

“d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry”
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Offline McGirr

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #123 on: April 29, 2020, 07:30:04 AM »
A precious little girl walks into a Pet store and asks, with the sweetest little lisp, from two missing front teeth,

“Excuthe me, mithter, do you sell widdle wabbits?”

As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level and asks,

“Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and  fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like dat cute widdle bwown wabbit over dare?”  

Her face flushed with anger and she rocked back on her heels, put her hands on her knees, leaned forward and said, in a stern, but quiet voice,

“I don’t think my python weally gives a thyit.”

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Offline McGirr

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Re: For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread
« Reply #124 on: May 02, 2020, 07:38:20 AM »

Paddy writes a letter to his wife Jamie...

My Dear Jamie, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.

When Paddy came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My "Dearest Husband" Paddy ,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow..
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