Falling down

[dales133]

At the risk of looking like a twatt witch to my own admission I have here at times I'm going to at the risk of being ridiculed try to vent some frustrations.
I'm not going into great depth but its been the accepted norm for me to receive not one word or recognition or word of thanks or sweet **** all from my partners children since the eldest over heard me saying " they are lazy little bitchs.not a Xmas card birthday card.
Ive been with her 7 years
So she made me out to look like an arse hole and  I know a few of you don't like me but I'm at a loss as to what to do.  If I voice my opinion she says  don't yell at me,if I criticize anything we don't speak for 2 weeks.
Obviously I don't have alot of places to turn or I wouldn't put myself in the fire g line so constructive advice preferably

[nab]

I assume calling them "lazy little bitches" probably burnt the bridge with them. Bridges can be rebuilt but are especially hard when the kids have already been through a parent split up.

Is it the kids or the partner that made you look like an arsehole?

Doesn't sound like your place is a fun place to be right now.

[cruiser 91]

We are a blended family since 1999. I have 2 boys, now 23 and 25 and the wife has 1 girl now @ 22. I had custody of my boys.
I don't have any family on my side.
Ive had great success as a parent and Ive had disasters as a parent.
Ive had great success as a husband and you guess it, ive had disasters as a husband.
We say things when we really shouldn't but its hard at times to keep it in and don't say things when we really should.
IT AINT EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You and your missus really need to be on the same page for it to work.

Kids are kids, they don't have the life experiences that we have and they just dont get it, they're kids and we forget what it was like to feel like a kid.
They tend to come around as they get older, do the right thing now and it will pay off in the long run.

None of us are perfect.
It's a learning curve to the day you die.

Things that used to be important to me aren't that important anymore, for me its more about looking after the sole at the moment.

Hang in there, you'll soon know what is best.



Going out on a limb with this comment: From experience, its good to lay off the grog for a while when things arent so great. Give "men are from mars and women are from venus" a read, it can put some good perspective on how we all operate. If you understand the concept the trick is to keep it up and not drop the ball.

[plusnq]

Sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. I have been through it from both sides, as a teenage child and then as an adult with a blended family. It is very hard and it can be quite stressful at times. In my experience, most of it blows over but you need to have a lot of patience and to bite your tongue a lot at times. The kids will grow up and leave home. That will leave you and the missus having more time to talk through any issues and plan to deal with them. I hope it gets better for you soon.

Cheers

Shane

[Fathom]

Sorry to hear.
I hope it pans out OK for you.
Relationships and blended families can be tough.  Every family dynamic has its ups and downs.  And every relationship is different. Little hiccups happen.  For longer ongoing issues. I would suggest as a start these...
Even if they aren't right for you. They will advise where might be right for you and yours.
http://www.relationships.org.au/
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Cheers.


If pigs could fly... Imagine how good their wings would taste.

[scarpsD40]

Hey Dale, not specifically been in this situation but still happy to sit, listen and talk through some advice this weekend at Maldon if you can join us. Noone is perfect and everyone's been through trials that make us look and think about things differently.
You could even offer to  bring the stepkids along also.

[jwb]

Without knowing specifics,  I would apologize to them for the "tongue slip"
Mmm tough one, I had some comments but they seem hard to
put into words! I hope your partner is reading from the same page.
Keep it steady!
Cheers

[Beachman]

My advice is to go a see a marriage counsellor because the kids might be trying to start arguments and create tension which inturn might lead to a breakup.

If you and your partner are happy and want to make it work, then talking and more importantly listening in a controlled environment might be what's needed.

Then if the kids can see you guys are serious about making it work, they might slowly start backing off.

[Goose]

3 questions.

How old are the kids?

Can you make a list of things that justify your position of saying they are unappreciative? For instance, are you providing for them financially like buying clothes, paying for meals, bills, holidays etc but getting nothing back in return.

Have you put off having your own kids so that you can raise them?

Even if you said something nasty to the kids, if you were justified in saying that then they need to understand your position. Plenty of parents say things like what you said to their own biological kids and its not a problem and its usually justified. If they are happy to take your cash but won't appreciate your efforts or allow you an opinion then you may need to rethink your position.

[Bird]

Walk away while you can.

[The punter]

Kids respect actions far more than words. Do some stuff with/for them, offer to drop them off etc. Over time, they will see the effort and respect it. You have to mean it though, kids can see right through lip service.

[gronk]

Walk away while you can.

Probably a bit blunt......but you really need to sit down and have an honest talk together and find out exactly where you stand as a couple.

Kids don't need a father that has no involvement in their lives, and unless you have the support of the mother, that can't happen.

[glenm64]

Ive 2 late teen aged sons who im sure think i know jack sh#t.
They only really go out of their way for you when they want something.
I miss the days when they used to look up to me believing and trusting everything you told them.
But thats part of growing up, and to be honest i was probably like that too.
But every now and then you see a glimmer of maturity  starting to shine through.
Dales totally different to your situation i know, but the point I'm trying to make is keep on being the parent. Your actions over time will eventually show them you do care.
And hopefully in time they will come around.
As Punter said they will see by your actions, and not a few words spoken in fustration that you do care. After all you wouldnt be seeking advice if you didnt.
Hang in there mate.

Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk

[Bad Scott]

Head to Maldon for the weekend Dale. You will walk away with having an awesome time, sore stomach from laughing and maybe an extra chair

[loanrangie]

I call my 2 girls lazy little bitches as well sometimes but they are ours so probably doesnt cause the same issue as it has for you, wife acknowledges too which helps.
  I agree with the sentiments that you need to talk or have some counseling.

[raider]

Walk away while you can.

You're a crack up Bird. I would need to know the specifics before I would comment i.e. ages , whether they live with you , whether the comment was justified, whether you want it to work etc

[Bird]

You're a crack up Bird. I would need to know the specifics before I would comment i.e. ages , whether they live with you , whether the comment was justified, whether you want it to work etc

Simple rule in life...

"The more Shit you take
...The more your fed..."

"So she made me out to look like an arse hole"
If they are lazy little ****s, then she should support the bloke, not make him out to be a prick.

Nobody there seems to respect the bloke, or give a Shit about him - Not even a ****in xmas card?? How piss poor is that?

So I stand by my statement - Jam it in her arse, and walk away - unless shes a super hotty.

[callmejoe]

From some experience. Your comment was a spark. A small fire has started. The longer you let it burn the bigger it gets. Bigger it is the harder it becomes for you to put out.

If you don't have much or any emotional, (this is VERY different from financial) input into  the family you'll always be on the "outside".

With out a connection to the kids will always put more pressure on a relationship. This is where the adults need to stick together and work as a team,  carry the burden together if you cannot it will eventually  fail.
Kids are kids, some are real little $&!ts to. If they aren't helped,  shown or come round. It'll always be painful.
I don't think just 1 comment has set her off. Im sure there must be plenty of emotional things running through her head.

But in the end. If your in a relationship and have no emotional connection to the kids and you and your partner cannot stand together to nut it out. YOU NEVER WILL.

[dales133]

I'm actualy overwhelmed at the responses and appreciative to.
To shed a bit more light on it her "kids" are now 22 going on 23 and the other just turned 21 last week...I didnt go out to dinner for her 21st... I'll explain why.
About a year or so ago tracy sugested we go out for dinner...I kinda smelled a rat but said yea if its early as the bledisole cup was on.
It happened to coincide with a geelong game.
On the way to the restaurant tracy says I told Brooke she can watch the geelong game .
I said she can watch it until I get home then she can watch it on the (40inch) tv in the dining room.
Tracy then said so are you saying no. I repeated what I said and the brake slams on she screams and yells and Shit at me and turns around and drives home,I get out she grabs Brooke and goes to her parants and makes me out to be the biggest you know what under the sun.
On the way she phones my mother,infront of her daughter and does the same.
I was furious.
Since then her father is putting Shit on me and her mother who believes anything has gone along for the ride.
These are people that liked and respected and even backed me up.
She dosnt seem to think that there was anything wrong for betraying me and vilifying me .
Her daughters boyfriend moved in without so much as asking me and he cracked the Shits with me one night and I told him to pull his head in or I'd throw him and his Shit out the door.
No back up from the mrs at all.
I've raised these kids since they were 14 but im just like the prick that cooks and pays bills but im the least important person in the house
If her adult kids don't like it here they can f off for all I care but thier so I mature and useless and far more important than me.

That why I said last night id keep it short... it looks rediculous but trust me it's sole destroying.
She's a great check but her priorities are wrong and her heads up her arse when it comes to her kids and I don't have any idea how to sort this Shit out

Edit.
I forgot to add she was pissed off at her parants for condemning our relationship but made up just before Xmas last year and forced me to attend under duress and was suprised I ignored her father.
Its pretty ordinary to put Shit on me then make me go to a place where shed assinated my character.

[dales133]

And yes its all gone on to long and yes I feel on the outside.
Tough place to be when your family and best mates are overseas

[dales133]

Head to Maldon for the weekend Dale. You will walk away with having an awesome time, sore stomach from laughing and maybe an extra chair

Might be on the cards ..I don't know

[plusnq]

Might be on the cards ..I don't know

Sounds like you should

[loanrangie]

You need a breather mate then once you have had a think you really need to sit down with her  and voice your concerns/ issues with her kids and get it out in the open.

[dales133]

Sounds like you should

I ended up with diabetes this year just to top things off so I shouldn't realy drink.
As a rule I don't much any more but the last few weeks ive bent the rules.

Be good to take off without telling her for a few days and make her think about her priorities maybe.
I nearly got a hotel tonight but didn't want to waste money

[oldmate]

I ended up with diabetes this year just to top things off so I shouldn't realy drink.
As a rule I don't much any more but the last few weeks ive bent the rules.

Be good to take off without telling her for a few days and make her think about her priorities maybe.
I nearly got a hotel tonight but didn't want to waste money

Go camping with the vic crew this weekend.