I think the wife might be on to me.....

[Jeepers Creepers]

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "boys."
The wife was a bit nicked off too, saying how last time i came home rolling drunk at some ungodly hour, she really laid down the law.
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the drinks went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., fully loaded, I headed for home.
Just ............as I got in the door, the bloody cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing the wife would probably wake up or stir, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning, the wife asked me what time I got in, I told her "MIDNIGHT"...  and she didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then she said "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked her why, and she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh f*#k", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, started laughing, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table while screaming "my f*#king shin" and then farted.

[nbd73]

When is your book of quotes for life's tricky moments coming out?
This must be the 3rd or 4th classic posted on here.
Keep at it Jeepers, makes the thought of facing work today more bearable.

[crackacoldie]

That is gold Jeepers   

Cracka

[BLKWDW]

bahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Gold mate 

[Clouty]

That is a cracka..
Just made my day.. Thanks jeepers

[Jason B]

 

[Jeepers Creepers]

Thank you gents, but not my jokes, just stuff i've heard over the years. 

[Muckinhell]

Absolute GUTLAUGH   

[Jeepers Creepers]

Hey, did ya hear, Luigi went out and bought a boat.

It was second hand, but looked ok and all that, so he decided to take Maria and the two kids out on the water.
The four of them had been fishing for an hour or so when Luigi sees water coming into the boat.

He tries to start the motor, but it won't spin over.

Luigi grabs the VHF radio and calls......

"Hey, coast a guard Noosa, coast a guard Noosa, coast a guard Noosa....
This a Luigi and i'm a takin on water, you send a help hey"

"Luigi, this is Coast Guard Noosa, what is your position, over"

"hey, this a Luigi, i'm in a the bloody boat, where you think i'm a gunna be hey"

"Luigi, where on the water are you, can you see any landmarks, over."

"hey, this a Luigi, i'm about a 10 a miles out to sea off Noosa and da water, she getting deeper inside da boat, you send a bloody boat to help, hey"

Luigi, all of our vessels are currently busy, we will attend to as soon as we are able. over"

"Hey, coast a guard, you come a quickly hey, the boat, she takin on a water bad, kids are crying, Maria, she is sh!ittin herself, you bloody hurry hey.

Luigi, this is Coast Guard Noosa and i repeat, all our vessels are currently attending to other vessels, but so you know you are safe, we are sending our Fokker Friendship to you, over"

Hey dick a head, this a Luigi an i no wanna your Fokker Friendship, i wanna your fokker help.

 

[cruisindub]

German Coast guard trainee

Ha Ha Ha Ha

[xcvator]

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "boys."
The wife was a bit nicked off too, saying how last time i came home rolling drunk at some ungodly hour, she really laid down the law.
I told my wife that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the drinks went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., fully loaded, I headed for home.
Just ............as I got in the door, the bloody cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing the wife would probably wake up or stir, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with her. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning, the wife asked me what time I got in, I told her "MIDNIGHT"...  and she didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then she said "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked her why, and she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh f*#k", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, started laughing, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table while screaming "my f*#king shin" and then farted.

Listen JC, I think you're doing this wrong mate  I used to try those tricks and always got caught  but not anymore 

So what's the answer ?

Simple, when I get home late I kick the dog as I come in, slam the door, drop my shoes in the hallway and strip off as I get to the bedroom, I rip the sheets back off the bed, give the cheese and kisses a slap on the arse and say "how about a bit" and ya know what,

she's sound asleep EVERY bloody time

[Jeepers Creepers]

 

[r0ssrg]

Love the story.   :-)