Anyone tried behavior contracts with a teenage girl ?

[MarkVS]

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to give me your experiences, insights and feedback. Really appreciated.
I've picked up heaps of ideas but also a lot of comfort.

Its amazing, I have what many would consider a very complex and stressful job. Yet, bringing up a daughter finds me/us constantly not knowing what is right or wrong, or worrying about the wrong things.

It really is a journey and I think the trick is to make sure we enjoy every step of it.

MarkVS

[dazzler]

I went to a catholic high school.  What those good catholic girls did outside of school hours would make your blood boil.  I think the behaviours at home carry more weight than those at school.

Notice the ALL CAPS WRITING ABOUT IT NOT BEING PUBLIC OR PRIVATE in my thread.

It's how good the school is not if it's catholic or Christian.  My point was that this particular school is a positive influence that just happens to be Christian.  By the way, I ain't a Christian.

Obviously if you bother to take the time and effort to find a school that supports your ideals then you are probably a good parent anyway.  I think you underestimate the influence school has.  How muc time do we actually spend of an evening with our kids.  2-3 hrs maybe?

[prodigyrf]

Whilst offspring are all different there are some common threads like-

Sibling rivalry/comparison - How come he (older brother) is allowed to do x and I'm not, or he got y and I didn't? This is the only time you can depend on them to recognise the actual cost of anything.

Parental guilt trip- Well Chelsea, Tamara, Michelle, etc, etc's parents all let them do x whenever they want... Basically why are you trogs not up to pace with the times and modern parenting? A subsequent chat with said parents shows their daughters including yourselves in exactly the same line of argument.

Parents never existed in any other form before they were parents- Where have you been/what have you been up to girl and don't give me any of your fancy stories because I can look into your eyes and know instantly if you're not telling me the truth....(drivel with the eyes thingy but I sure will know because I've used them all before at your age dummy)

Then there's the gender difference between individual parent and particular offspring but that's a theme for a book, sufficeth to say dad, your daughter is growing up and practising to be a woman and you're it at present feller.

If you've ever owned a cat you'll quickly get the picture. Wants something and it's all purr purr and rubbing up against you with Daaaaaad.....?  Otherwise it's busy and aloof and you're to be ignored altogether so don't bug the cat or it'll be all reowwwr, spitfffft and claws, particularly if you stray into their personal domain. Try and savour the memories of Barbie dolls, hugs and kisses and whatever emotional scraps are thrown your way when they want something urgently, like they've locked their keys in the car at 3am way across town. Remember she will be with friends so do not wear your pyjamas/dressing gown and only speak to them if spoken to.

[Kit_e_kat9]

You could always do what my parents did ... Lock me in my room till I got married ...

Which I still haven't done btw ...

Seriously, my parents simply didn't put up with this Shit.  They didn't need a contract (I was a kid not a business partner), they didn't need a second opinion (what they said went), they didn't need threats (a simple look did it), they did it with love and a firm hand (no they didn't bash us ... they were always firm and unyielding in their approach), they were united in their approach (one parent didn't give in if the other said no). 

We were kids and at home it was NOT a democracy.

I reckon I turned out 75% okay ... We can blame the other 25% on after I left home        

Kit_e

[Azz]

We were kids and at home it was NOT a democracy.


Kit_e

This exactly, if any of our four believe they should be higher on in the pecking order than us, its time they head out into the real world and find out for themselves.

First one went for six months and has come back "for a while" which seems to be increasing in time daily 

Next one is claiming to leave at years end..... time will tell 

We are the boss, what we says goes, if not, on your bike.

[alnjan]

[Jeepers Creepers]

My parents had a verbal contract/agreement with me.

They bought me into this world and one false move and they'd take me right back out of it again.

[Kit_e_kat9]

My parents had a verbal contract/agreement with me.

They bought me into this world and one false move and they'd take me right back out of it again.

Actually, I think you just nailed it ... That's exactly how it was.  LMAO!!



Kit_e

[ewwreckers]

My parents had a verbal contract/agreement with me.

They bought me into this world and one false move and they'd take me right back out of it again.

We constantly tell the kids that one lol

And remember, if you don't screw them up a little bit, they'll never leave home!

Not sure about this whole contract thing. My house, my rules. Like it or lump it.

[alnjan]

I just tell the kids I only saw them come out, never saw them go in