Saftey Warning

[britts]

This is an actual review on amazon.co.uk for Veet Hair Removal for Men...
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...

[Kit_e_kat9]

Love the subtle terminology used.  LOL! 

Kit_e

[Black-Pig]

Sounds like something out of "Dont tell my mother I work on oil rigs, she thinks I am a piano player in a whore house"... You North Sea cow boys crack me up. What you do up there anyway?

[Jeepers Creepers]

"Goodness Gracious, great balls of fire."

"I fell in to a burning ring of fire"

Hey Britts, i hope the fun police don't get ya for that post.

[Symon]

If you want to read more of them go to the actual Amazon site - http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=cm_cr_dp_see_all_btm/277-3531363-3025658?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

[brickiematt]

PMSL Might show that to a couple of my mates who are known to indulge in a little manscaping......might make them think twice the next time they go in for a "back, crack & sack"!!!

[Bookleaf]

Sad really.  I have not laughed so much, with tears in my eyes so I could not read, for such a long time.  Go to the link for more tears.

[Tassie devils]

Very funny trying to read it to the wife,but could not stop laughing

[Ynot]

 

[JU5T1N]

I have not laughed so much, with tears in my eyes so I could not read, for such a long time.  Go to the link for more tears.

X2

[Wazza2]

Tas dev I'm with u. I had to pass her the ipad as I couldnt get the words out. Way too funny

[McGirr]

. They are classic reviews. Cannot stop laughing. 

I hope I don't get any for fathers day.

Mark

[xcvator]

Sounds just like Mrs Browns Boys 

[Patt31]

thank you Britts, my hubby and son were very amused apparently I was laughing that much my face was purple and I had tears streaming down my face. I havent laughed so much in ages.   brilliant.

Hubby and Son read it as well and well they didnt laugh as much as me but some of us females get great amusement in pain to the male ...

[Patt31]

went to the link read the 5 star reviews, OMG so funny, my hubby has ended up leaving the room because I was laughing so much tears streaming down my face.

Son is now reading the 5 star reviews and is laughing alot too.

I can think of better ways to get increase sports performance 

[prodigyrf]

Let me be the first-

[bunyip]

Surely there are some pics we just have no need to see

[Horizon]

 

LOL

 

SKIP

[GGV8Cruza]

Classic reviews, still chuckling away

Today's job involves 4 litres of paint remover, must remember to wash hands before going to the toilet 

GG

[bobnrob]

The obvious ? has been overlooked...

Britts, why were you looking up that product???   

[britts]

I found it on our 4wd club forum and laughed so hard I thought I should share as the world could use more laughter,:)

[davethepom]

Tears in my eyes!  

[dooguss]

  well done britts that's some funny s%#* I had tears in my eyes as I haven't ?aughed like that for a while

[JCOJ]

That is seriously funny!!