Dontcha just hate it when...................

[Clouty]

PMSL


That just made my night

[Swannie]

It could of been worse, it could have happened around the campfire when we are there 

Swannie

[lino6]

So xcvator were you scrunching or folding?

Probably dabbing!

But seriously I reckon this is another....

[Swannie]

Not a Red Card but a LOST card 

[lino6]

Brown card........

[xcvator]

A red card, c'mon givme a brake, 1st offence, it's kept you all off the whinge and rant threads so it can't be all bad 

[oldmate]

A red card, c'mon givme a brake, 1st offence, it's kept you all off the whinge and rant threads so it can't be all bad 

Pmsl.  Mission accomplished

Now where is that , where do I buy 30" rims for my patrol thread gone?

[lino6]

A red card, c'mon givme a brake, 1st offence, it's kept you all off the whinge and rant threads so it can't be all bad 

You are right mate card withdrawn. Time for some advice, try gravox to try and thicken things up......

[Nomad]

At least you didn't do a shart in bed!..................go on....red card me again lino. 

[Ynot]

Reminds me of the story about the constipated accountant. He needed a pencil to work it out...


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[lino6]

At least you didn't do a shart in bed!..................go on....red card me again lino. 

Nah mate, thats not bad taste thats fact! 

Maybe I should look for a brown card....... I don't have the Lost card pic!

[RedDmaxxx]

Can anyone hear Shirley Bassey singing Goldfinger.

[xcvator]

Can anyone hear Shirley Bassey singing Brownfinger.

Fixed it for ya 

[lino6]

Confucius say man who go to be with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger

[speewa158]

A red card, c'mon givme a brake, 1st offence, it's kept you all off the whinge and rant threads so it can't be all bad 




Ant you 1st offence Old Mate 

[speewa158]

Enough of this post tell the silly old Bugger to quietly grow older , with less info

[xcvator]

Enough of this post tell the silly old Bugger to quietly grow older , with less info

Awh c'mon speewa, I 'm just trying to pass on a bit of knowledge that I have accumulated over the years  , please don't get personal, cut out the "old" bit will you 
And I'm getting my post count up 

[Tim - Stratford]

I 'm just trying to pass on a bit

Nope, you already did that!!! 

Tim

[Jeepers Creepers]

Seeing as the standard has already been set here, I thought I might follow on.... so to speak.

Last Tuesday, I wake up with a mild dose of the mission brown squirts. No probs, pop a Lomital (or however ya spell it) and off to work. No squirts, no more worries, except, by Thursday, I haven't pooped.
I'm would tighter than a lowered coil spring in an 18 year old's Commodore.

So, to solve the problem, I ate some good ol laxette. Couple of hours gone, still no swift and shift, so I had some more.

Now, about 2pm and I'm almost finished the last mow job for the day, when I start fartin. Those cute little pop offs ya do when ya walking, so as I'm mowing the last 2 strips across a yard, I start laughing, as it sounds like a second hand outboard with a dodgy spark plug.

By the time the mower goes in the trailer, I've stopped laughing and started walking with my bum clenched tight.
Quick, and I mean QUICK blow of the paths and i'm outta there.

Horrendous stomach cramps have taken over, sweat is pouring off my head like a fountain, I'm doubled over with my head almost on the steering wheel as I drive like an idiot in my quest for a loo.

Part way home, my cramp have eased i'm safe again for a home based loo, but i'm still fartin, it sounded like a pond full of bullfrogs now, as I know, that for me, time was running out fast.

Next thing, Mrs Jeepers calls and says can I pick up a tap fitting at the hardware store on my way home.

Oh Honey, I replied, I don't think I'll make it, I might sh!t myself.

Don't be so furkin stupid, just duck in, it'll take you no time and you're driving right past the store.

So, as I've reached the garden section, the cramps and sweating starts up again, so I raced to the back of the shop, as I know where the staff loo is, right next to the lunch room.

Great, the only woman that works there, is having her afternoon tea or late lunch or something. 

I dived into the plumbing section, which appeared to be empty. (Thank Christ for small town living)

I'm bent over, bracing myself against the display shelf looking at two display toilets, but I couldn't do it, when all of a sudden, I let rip with a fart. It was like a roll of thunder that's coming from 10 klm away, building in pitch and volume before that almighty bang at the end.

I seriously thought I was going to loose my water tight seal then and there.

All good, undies still intact, but the stench was terrible.

Just then, a little kid stuck his head around the corner and said... You farted.
Then nicks off giggling says, Mummy, that man farted.

I took off straight out through the  timber section and made it home......just.

Wife says through the toilet door, where's my tap fitting.........

What is with women....