Post by: dales133 on September 29, 2015, 11:36:11 PM
I'm not going into great depth but its been the accepted norm for me to receive not one word or recognition or word of thanks or sweet **** all from my partners children since the eldest over heard me saying " they are lazy little bitchs.not a Xmas card birthday card.
Ive been with her 7 years
So she made me out to look like an arse hole and I know a few of you don't like me but I'm at a loss as to what to do. If I voice my opinion she says don't yell at me,if I criticize anything we don't speak for 2 weeks.
Obviously I don't have alot of places to turn or I wouldn't put myself in the fire g line so constructive advice preferably
Post by: nab on September 30, 2015, 01:29:42 AM
Is it the kids or the partner that made you look like an arsehole?
Doesn't sound like your place is a fun place to be right now.
Post by: cruiser 91 on September 30, 2015, 04:42:30 AM
I don't have any family on my side.
Ive had great success as a parent and Ive had disasters as a parent.
Ive had great success as a husband and you guess it, ive had disasters as a husband.
We say things when we really shouldn't but its hard at times to keep it in and don't say things when we really should.
IT AINT EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You and your missus really need to be on the same page for it to work.
Kids are kids, they don't have the life experiences that we have and they just dont get it, they're kids and we forget what it was like to feel like a kid.
They tend to come around as they get older, do the right thing now and it will pay off in the long run.
None of us are perfect.
It's a learning curve to the day you die.
Things that used to be important to me aren't that important anymore, for me its more about looking after the sole at the moment.
Hang in there, you'll soon know what is best.
:cheers:
Going out on a limb with this comment: From experience, its good to lay off the grog for a while when things arent so great. Give "men are from mars and women are from venus" a read, it can put some good perspective on how we all operate. If you understand the concept the trick is to keep it up and not drop the ball.
:4x4:
Post by: plusnq on September 30, 2015, 06:07:47 AM
Cheers
Shane
Post by: Fathom on September 30, 2015, 06:14:20 AM
I hope it pans out OK for you.
Relationships and blended families can be tough. Every family dynamic has its ups and downs. And every relationship is different. Little hiccups happen. For longer ongoing issues. I would suggest as a start these...
Even if they aren't right for you. They will advise where might be right for you and yours.
http://www.relationships.org.au/
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
Cheers.
If pigs could fly... Imagine how good their wings would taste.
Post by: scarpsD40 on September 30, 2015, 06:16:28 AM
You could even offer to bring the stepkids along also.
Post by: jwb on September 30, 2015, 07:10:15 AM
Mmm tough one, I had some comments but they seem hard to
put into words! I hope your partner is reading from the same page.
Keep it steady!
Cheers
Post by: Beachman on September 30, 2015, 07:59:35 AM
If you and your partner are happy and want to make it work, then talking and more importantly listening in a controlled environment might be what’s needed.
Then if the kids can see you guys are serious about making it work, they might slowly start backing off.
Post by: Goose on September 30, 2015, 11:30:52 AM
How old are the kids?
Can you make a list of things that justify your position of saying they are unappreciative? For instance, are you providing for them financially like buying clothes, paying for meals, bills, holidays etc but getting nothing back in return.
Have you put off having your own kids so that you can raise them?
Even if you said something nasty to the kids, if you were justified in saying that then they need to understand your position. Plenty of parents say things like what you said to their own biological kids and its not a problem and its usually justified. If they are happy to take your cash but won't appreciate your efforts or allow you an opinion then you may need to rethink your position.
Post by: Bird on September 30, 2015, 11:33:19 AM
Post by: The punter on September 30, 2015, 12:09:42 PM
Post by: gronk on September 30, 2015, 12:12:32 PM
Walk away while you can.
Probably a bit blunt......but you really need to sit down and have an honest talk together and find out exactly where you stand as a couple.
Kids don't need a father that has no involvement in their lives, and unless you have the support of the mother, that can't happen.
Post by: glenm64 on September 30, 2015, 01:07:45 PM
They only really go out of their way for you when they want something.
I miss the days when they used to look up to me believing and trusting everything you told them.
But thats part of growing up, and to be honest i was probably like that too.
But every now and then you see a glimmer of maturity starting to shine through.
Dales totally different to your situation i know, but the point I'm trying to make is keep on being the parent. Your actions over time will eventually show them you do care.
And hopefully in time they will come around.
As Punter said they will see by your actions, and not a few words spoken in fustration that you do care. After all you wouldnt be seeking advice if you didnt.
Hang in there mate.
Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk
Post by: Bad Scott on September 30, 2015, 01:21:57 PM
Post by: loanrangie on September 30, 2015, 01:25:18 PM
I agree with the sentiments that you need to talk or have some counseling.
Post by: raider on September 30, 2015, 04:53:17 PM
Walk away while you can.You're a crack up Bird. I would need to know the specifics before I would comment i.e. ages , whether they live with you , whether the comment was justified, whether you want it to work etc
Post by: Bird on September 30, 2015, 04:59:54 PM
Quote from: raider
You're a crack up Bird. I would need to know the specifics before I would comment i.e. ages , whether they live with you , whether the comment was justified, whether you want it to work etc
Simple rule in life...
"The more Shit you take
...The more your fed..."
"So she made me out to look like an arse hole"
If they are lazy little ****s, then she should support the bloke, not make him out to be a prick.
Nobody there seems to respect the bloke, or give a Shit about him - Not even a ****in xmas card?? How piss poor is that?
So I stand by my statement - Jam it in her arse, and walk away - unless shes a super hotty.
Post by: callmejoe on September 30, 2015, 06:47:36 PM
If you don't have much or any emotional, (this is VERY different from financial) input into the family you'll always be on the "outside".
With out a connection to the kids will always put more pressure on a relationship. This is where the adults need to stick together and work as a team, carry the burden together if you cannot it will eventually fail.
Kids are kids, some are real little $&!ts to. If they aren't helped, shown or come round. It'll always be painful.
I don't think just 1 comment has set her off. Im sure there must be plenty of emotional things running through her head.
But in the end. If your in a relationship and have no emotional connection to the kids and you and your partner cannot stand together to nut it out. YOU NEVER WILL.
Post by: dales133 on September 30, 2015, 07:24:14 PM
To shed a bit more light on it her "kids" are now 22 going on 23 and the other just turned 21 last week...I didnt go out to dinner for her 21st... I'll explain why.
About a year or so ago tracy sugested we go out for dinner...I kinda smelled a rat but said yea if its early as the bledisole cup was on.
It happened to coincide with a geelong game.
On the way to the restaurant tracy says I told Brooke she can watch the geelong game .
I said she can watch it until I get home then she can watch it on the (40inch) tv in the dining room.
Tracy then said so are you saying no. I repeated what I said and the brake slams on she screams and yells and Shit at me and turns around and drives home,I get out she grabs Brooke and goes to her parants and makes me out to be the biggest you know what under the sun.
On the way she phones my mother,infront of her daughter and does the same.
I was furious.
Since then her father is putting Shit on me and her mother who believes anything has gone along for the ride.
These are people that liked and respected and even backed me up.
She dosnt seem to think that there was anything wrong for betraying me and vilifying me .
Her daughters boyfriend moved in without so much as asking me and he cracked the Shits with me one night and I told him to pull his head in or I'd throw him and his Shit out the door.
No back up from the mrs at all.
I've raised these kids since they were 14 but im just like the prick that cooks and pays bills but im the least important person in the house
If her adult kids don't like it here they can f off for all I care but thier so I mature and useless and far more important than me.
That why I said last night id keep it short... it looks rediculous but trust me it's sole destroying.
She's a great check but her priorities are wrong and her heads up her arse when it comes to her kids and I don't have any idea how to sort this Shit out
Edit.
I forgot to add she was pissed off at her parants for condemning our relationship but made up just before Xmas last year and forced me to attend under duress and was suprised I ignored her father.
Its pretty ordinary to put Shit on me then make me go to a place where shed assinated my character.
Post by: dales133 on September 30, 2015, 07:25:40 PM
Tough place to be when your family and best mates are overseas
Post by: dales133 on September 30, 2015, 07:29:23 PM
Head to Maldon for the weekend Dale. You will walk away with having an awesome time, sore stomach from laughing and maybe an extra chair :DMight be on the cards ..I don't know
Post by: plusnq on September 30, 2015, 07:36:21 PM
Might be on the cards ..I don't know
Sounds like you should
Post by: loanrangie on September 30, 2015, 07:42:45 PM
Post by: dales133 on September 30, 2015, 07:44:04 PM
Sounds like you shouldI ended up with diabetes this year just to top things off so I shouldn't realy drink.
As a rule I don't much any more but the last few weeks ive bent the rules.
Be good to take off without telling her for a few days and make her think about her priorities maybe.
I nearly got a hotel tonight but didn't want to waste money
Post by: oldmate on September 30, 2015, 07:46:37 PM
I ended up with diabetes this year just to top things off so I shouldn't realy drink.
As a rule I don't much any more but the last few weeks ive bent the rules.
Be good to take off without telling her for a few days and make her think about her priorities maybe.
I nearly got a hotel tonight but didn't want to waste money
Go camping with the vic crew this weekend.
Post by: plusnq on September 30, 2015, 07:50:28 PM
Post by: Swannie on September 30, 2015, 07:52:57 PM
I ended up with diabetes this year just to top things off so I shouldn't realy drink.
As a rule I don't much any more but the last few weeks ive bent the rules.
Be good to take off without telling her for a few days and make her think about her priorities maybe.
I nearly got a hotel tonight but didn't want to waste money
Seriously get up to Maldon, we are all a bunch of stirrers but are all good people and we always look after myswaggers
Swannie
Post by: dales133 on September 30, 2015, 08:01:22 PM
Post by: oldmate on September 30, 2015, 08:04:58 PM
Don't have alot in the way of camping gear but can crash in the back of frank the tanks cousin.
You won't need it, my mate scarps has all the camp gear you will ever need, and he is more then happy to give up the trackie for you. No no don't thank me, the least I can do.
Post by: Swannie on September 30, 2015, 08:07:55 PM
Don't have alot in the way of camping gear but can crash in the back of frank the tanks cousin.
Mate, just get on down there with what you can. Just bring some food & drink, there is plenty of fridges you can use and we all have heaps of cooking gear
Swannie
Ps more than happy to have another 80 to join myself and BrettB
Post by: Brett B on September 30, 2015, 08:08:52 PM
Post by: peter01 on September 30, 2015, 08:13:50 PM
Seriously get up to Maldon, we are all a bunch of stirrers but are all good people and we always look after myswaggers
Swannie
Agree, have not met anyone I would not invite around for a coffee, well maybe 1 who made a mess on their way back from another myswag overnighter !!!
Post by: dales133 on September 30, 2015, 08:16:22 PM
Ill talk to igor and shane about organising getting his camper back and I recon I might for a night at least.
How far is it again from geelong?
What nights are the first there and the last leaving... I know I could go back and read the thread but id rather not.
Thanks again... my moods improved emensly even though I'm getting the silent treatment for sticking up for myself
Post by: Bad Scott on September 30, 2015, 08:23:01 PM
I was reluctant at first because im not in the most socialising mood at the moment but i feel welcome now and understood where i didnt before. I apologise if i was short with people (geof) but wasnt in a user friendly frame of mind.Were rocking up tomorrow lunchtime and staying till Sunday.
Ill talk to igor and shane about organising getting his camper back and I recon I might for a night at least.
How far is it again from geelong?
What nights are the first there and the last leaving... I know I could go back and read the thread but id rather not.
Thanks again... my moods improved emensly even though I'm getting the silent treatment for sticking up for myself
Post by: Swannie on September 30, 2015, 08:24:21 PM
Swannie
Post by: Bad Scott on September 30, 2015, 08:24:48 PM
Made a mess is an understatement. Destroyed the floor more like it. And to think he calls himself Good Scott. Pfftt
Agree, have not met anyone I would not invite around for a coffee, well maybe 1 who made a mess on their way back from another myswag overnighter !!!
Post by: dales133 on September 30, 2015, 08:27:25 PM
I'm working tomorrow then hopefuly picking igors camper up Friday morning then I was going to work on mine for the rest of the day and weekend but I might change plans.
Is there any joint food plans I'm a pretty good cook... could bring something in the ecopot.
Post by: GeoffA on September 30, 2015, 08:29:31 PM
Geelong-Anakie-Ballan-Daylesford-Castlemaine-Maldon. It's quite a nice drive.
If you can get yourself there Dale, I'm sure you'll be pleased you made the effort.
:cheers:
Geoff
Post by: Barry G on September 30, 2015, 09:05:32 PM
Post by: macca on September 30, 2015, 10:23:27 PM
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Post by: xcvator on September 30, 2015, 10:37:28 PM
Post by: Bird on September 30, 2015, 10:48:48 PM
Quote from: dales133
...but her priorities are wrong and her heads up her arse when it comes to her kids
Its pretty ordinary to put Shit on me then make me go to a place where shed assassinated my character.
She sounds like she has you right where she wants you...
(http://irunwithit.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Screen-Shot-2013-09-12-at-7.57.46-AM.png)
Post by: Robbo on October 01, 2015, 05:01:33 AM
Probably what you need right now and i'm sure you will return back home with a positive
and fresh frame of mind.
Cheers :cheers:
Robbo
Post by: sol on October 01, 2015, 05:19:39 AM
Have a great time at Maldon dales133. ;D
I'm sure you will with friends like these Swaggers. :cup: :cup:
:cheers:
Post by: callmejoe on October 01, 2015, 08:29:39 AM
Now I'm starting to feel left out. All this "love" going about...
WHAT ABOUT MEEEEEEEE.
Oh that's right i live in Darwin and loving it..
Enjoy Dale. Sounds like your going to have a ball.
Post by: Goose on October 01, 2015, 09:00:45 AM
I think i will side with Bird on this one... you need to walk away.
2 things here worry me, as they happened to me: your partner tries to create fights and arguments out of nothing & your partner bags you out to other people. In my experience she is trying to make you leave..
Post by: Bird on October 01, 2015, 09:02:50 AM
Quote from: Goose
2 things here worry me, as they happened to me: your partner tries to create fights and arguments out of nothing & your partner bags you out to other people. In my experience she is trying to make you leave..
x eleventytwelve...
1 question: does she have an income?? or are you her life support system there?
Post by: Barry G on October 01, 2015, 09:07:49 AM
Sounds really dysfunctional mate.Alternatively, can be a sign of depression, or a cyclical thing. They can be strange critters, you are the one who knows her and your relationship best.
I think i will side with Bird on this one... you need to walk away.
2 things here worry me, as they happened to me: your partner tries to create fights and arguments out of nothing & your partner bags you out to other people. In my experience she is trying to make you leave..
Post by: paulo on October 01, 2015, 10:01:15 AM
Either way, have a good weekend and don't forget to breathe in the fresh air.
All the best,
Paul
Post by: achjimmy on October 01, 2015, 01:26:26 PM
Do it sooner rather than latter dale or it will chew you up.
.....besides the rugby WC finals will be on Soon and you kiwis usually always get depressed after that, unless it's played at home. ;D
Post by: robbo1172 on October 01, 2015, 08:29:13 PM
Robbo...
rockfactor.com.au
Post by: nab on November 23, 2015, 02:02:41 AM