Post by: Barry G on April 29, 2015, 09:20:24 PM
Of course we will miss them, but just so sad that they will lose all contact with the only "mummy " & "daddy" they have known for almost the first 2 years of their lives. This will inevitably cause them a sense of loss, and the failure of DHS to understand the complexities of such situations and develop transition plans accordingly only increases that risk.
Post by: Bird on April 29, 2015, 09:39:21 PM
nothing you can do at all???
Post by: edz on April 29, 2015, 09:42:20 PM
Post by: dazzler on April 29, 2015, 09:43:52 PM
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Post by: fuji on April 29, 2015, 09:50:32 PM
Post by: grafy82 on April 29, 2015, 09:51:23 PM
Post by: bobnrob on April 29, 2015, 10:09:35 PM
We've currently got an 8yr old boy who's with us temporarily - which could be anything from 6mth or until...... He's only been with us for 1.5mths, and despite an extremely rough start, he's already secured a sweet spot in my heart, and there'll be more than a few tears shed if/when a permanent home is found for him :(
We insisted on a transition period with him, because we knew he would be a long term (though officially called short term), and I felt it wrong that he come to us without any knowledge whatsoever of what to expect.
But he was only coming from 2 hrs away, that's a lot more doable than if it was interstate ;)
We have also made it a point that if/when a decent family is found for him, that we'll continue to be a part of his life :)
Post by: Bird on April 29, 2015, 10:16:16 PM
I couldn't do it. Kandee was part of a family of 7 that were all fostered out and she only knows where a few of them are... :(
Post by: V8CRSA on April 29, 2015, 10:59:43 PM
:cup: :cup: :cup: :cup: :cup: to all the people who can open their lives up as foster parents...
I couldn't do it.
X 2 :cup:
Post by: xcvator on April 29, 2015, 11:05:23 PM
Typical of DHS farking useless!!!!Pretty wild statement there Fuji, come and have a few beers and a chat to my daughter, might open your eyes and your mind :-* :)
Post by: achjimmy on April 29, 2015, 11:21:14 PM
X 2 :cup:
X3
Post by: achjimmy on April 29, 2015, 11:22:23 PM
Pretty wild statement there Fuji, come and have a few beers and a chat to my daughter, might open your eyes and your mind :-* :)
Think like most things today it's the sysyem not the people.
Post by: dales133 on April 30, 2015, 01:39:04 AM
Post by: richee on April 30, 2015, 07:13:08 AM
We fostered 2 boys 6yo and 12yo for 18 months and we always knew that we would be only part of their journey.
It's sad and hard to let go and you can only hope that everything will be OK for the kids.
Post by: robbo1172 on April 30, 2015, 07:43:42 AM
They are completely selfless and have my utmost respect...
:cheers:
Robbo...
Post by: wilson79 on April 30, 2015, 07:48:35 AM
I'm going to raise a toast to foster parents this afternoon.
They are completely selfless and have my utmost respect...
:cheers:
Robbo...
X2
Post by: Benduro on April 30, 2015, 09:03:08 AM
You and your wife are to be congratulated on giving these kids the start in life they no doubt needed and I hope in some way you have contact again.
:cup:
Post by: V8CRSA on April 30, 2015, 11:24:04 AM
I'm going to raise a toast to foster parents this afternoon.
They are completely selfless and have my utmost respect...
:cheers:
Robbo...
I couldn't have said it any better, these kids are lucky there is people like these willing and able to take them in to be a part of their own families for as long as is needed, knowing you are going to have to say goodbye one day.
Matt
Post by: InMused on April 30, 2015, 11:54:09 AM
B&B. I hope that your loss may be tempered with the knowledge that you have sowed a great seed of good into what ever situation your foster kids have seen.
Post by: Desert lover on April 30, 2015, 12:52:29 PM
Post by: Barry G on April 30, 2015, 01:54:28 PM
Of course we will miss the boys, but that isn't the cause of our sadness.
Rather, it is that there was an opportunity for the transition to be managed well, so the boys could get to know those they are going to in advance, and the loss could be minimised. Unfortunately this has not occurred, and therefore the boys are at risk of feeling that they have been 'rejected' / 'abandoned' by us, with potentially serious long term emotional consequences.
I an new to this 'game', however the other half isn't. She has seen the impact that poorly managed changes in care have had on young children. At the moment the boys aren't 'broken', but sadly that mightn't remain the case because of the way the transition is happening.
It didn't need to be this way, and only this morning we heard of another case of similar aged twins being moved interstate in extremely similar circumstances relatively recently.
In that case the primary ( foster) carer traveled with the children and stayed for several weeks to assist with the transition. That is what we had wanted in this case, but sadly DHS just isn't interested.
These two little boys will be the poorer for that.
As to DHS, I get that they are under resourced and over worked, one consequence of which is that care placements that are 'working' receive ZERO feedback / opportunity for input into care plans, despite what is supposed to happen.
I have read Keith's (Excavator) previous comments, and I don't doubt that many case workers are extremely hard working. And many of you will know from reading my posts on other threads that I do not have a 'kick-a-worker' attitude. However, I have real problems with the attitude of some at 'Manager' level. In particular, and maybe we have just been unlucky in getting a poor example, they seem he'll bent on implementing a 'one size fits all' approach, without any consideration of the specifics. It is one thing to mouth platitudes about 'acting in the best interest of the child', and an entirely different thing to be prepared to actually consider what that might be in a specific case.
Hi Benduro, you will be pleased to know that the boys did get to spend a few nights in the Heaslip. We had the mattress on the floor with all 4 of us on it. :D
Post by: Barry G on April 30, 2015, 02:31:34 PM
We have also made it a point that if/when a decent family is found for him, that we'll continue to be a part of his life :)This is supposed to be a 'right' of all children in care, to be able to retain contact with people who were significant in their lives while in care. Supposedly similar rights in other states as well, however it is virtually impossible to ensure that these rights are accessed, especially if the long term carers don't want it to happen. DHS certainly don't see it as important.
Post by: BaseCamp on April 30, 2015, 03:59:12 PM
Thank you all for your replies.
Of course we will miss the boys, but that isn't the cause of our sadness.
Rather, it is that there was an opportunity for the transition to be managed well, so the boys could get to know those they are going to in advance, and the loss could be minimised. Unfortunately this has not occurred, and therefore the boys are at risk of feeling that they have been 'rejected' / 'abandoned' by us, with potentially serious long term emotional consequences.
This is horrific - You would feel so powerless against the bludgeoning thud of bureaucracy...
Post by: xcvator on April 30, 2015, 05:28:46 PM
B&B, you're doing a fantastic thing for the kids, I think it would tear my heart out in your situation, :'( but take heart in the fact that you've done your best for these kids that you could :cup: and now it's up to somebody else to help guide them through life.
ps the offer is still there
Post by: briann532 on April 30, 2015, 07:01:14 PM
This is supposed to be a 'right' of all children in care, to be able to retain contact with people who were significant in their lives while in care. Supposedly similar rights in other states as well, however it is virtually impossible to ensure that these rights are accessed, especially if the long term carers don't want it to happen. DHS certainly don't see it as important.
Well I believe your "rant" is certainly worthy of the title.
Rant worthy and sad. :'(
Best wishes to you both, and hope you don't let it get to you.
What you are doing is a wonderful thing and you need to take a moment to reflect on that.
A lot of political opinions and comments can be thrown around about such services and the severe lacking within them, but people ( yes me included!) tend to forget just how hard and difficult it can be to deal with these issues.
An honest hope of good fortune to those who participate in helping others. You are truly unsung heroes.
Post by: Barry G on April 30, 2015, 08:27:02 PM
The 'squeeze' (half?) jokingly refers to the forum as "myhag", as at times she reckons I spend too much time on here.
Over the past 24 hours she has come to understand why I am a member, and consider you my friends, even though I will only ever meet a handful of you.
Yesterday afternoon I felt I had failed, because I couldn't protect our kids ( and THEY think we are 'mum and Dad', so that is what matters) from the loss they will feel at leaving us.
Your counsel has helped me keep my head together, which makes it easier to support all of my family, including our 15 year old who has been with his mum since he was not quite 1.
So, my deepest thanks to you all.
Post by: dales133 on April 30, 2015, 08:36:47 PM
Post by: Bird on April 30, 2015, 09:44:23 PM
Post by: jw2170 on April 30, 2015, 10:10:25 PM
X2
+3
Post by: Barry G on April 30, 2015, 10:53:34 PM
Bazza... Come along to the swap meet mate, bring the family.. plenty of firewood and space for you round the campfire (if those sooks can build a real fire)... ;DThanks Bruce,
We may well have, but for a long standing extended family gathering this weekend with the maternal side of my family.
Will certainly try to get the family to a 'catch up' sooner rather than later.
Just knowing we have friends really is enough at the moment.
And a big thanks to those who have PMd me, your thoughts are care is VERY much appreciated by both Brony and me.
Post by: McTavish on April 30, 2015, 11:37:20 PM
My personal opinion is that Australia needs to wake up to itself and lift the bar on parenthood and the responsibilities this places on the parents. If you don't meet this then the rights of the child trump your rights as a parent and kids should be legally adopted to a family who can care for them. Make it an open adoption situation where the biological parents have the ability to visit the kids and maybe/hopefully have some kind of relationship with them (once they can prove they have their life back in order - and of course foster care used to fill this gap IF they are experiencing a temporary situation only - maybe months & not years). The core relationship should be one where the kids know without any doubt who is going to be there for them today, tomorrow, next year and beyond. 19 kids adopted in Qld in 2014 and how many in foster care. End of rant...
All the best to you - bless you and your family...
Post by: Barry G on May 01, 2015, 07:09:07 AM
If we can achieve some continuing contact with the boys then our concerns would be met. They will at least know that they were not abandoned. The day they came to us as babies, for 3 weeks, wecommitted to being their 'other' 'grandparents'.
Given that they will be a few hours away contact couldn't be frequent, but at least they would know we would be there for them.
Every foster carer I have met, and most of the DHS workers We have contact with (who transport the boys to & from access sessions) all say the same things:
1/. Foster carers are treated like 'cr@p' by DHS. Likewise other children in the family, including other foster children.
2/. Those who have seen t he boys develop over the past 18 months all universally ask why these boys are being moved from such a successful setting.
Unfortunately these aren't the 'case workers', who have virtually no contact with children unless they are in immediate danger.
These are the reasons so few people volunteer to Foster, and so many kids, and our society, are the poorer for it.
Post by: McTavish on May 01, 2015, 09:50:48 PM
We had an Asian family move to town with 3 kids. The parents had to sort their stuff out including getting and moving into a house, sorting utilities, jobs etc so we looked after these kids for a week or so whilst they were getting organised.
The family had obviously had an intention to "assimilate" and I'm guessing they decided to move to Australia sometime after having the second child. The kids names were (excuse the spelling for those in the know) - Shardi, Rarvi and yes GEORGE was number three! What a champion name for a kid in the 80's ??!!
Post by: Barry G on May 01, 2015, 11:39:54 PM
I'll lighten the mood for you for a second - As I said my parents often took kids in and this could be for various reasons. Not all 'Bad Family situations'.Love it McTavish! :cheers:
We had an Asian family move to town with 3 kids. The parents had to sort their stuff out including getting and moving into a house, sorting utilities, jobs etc so we looked after these kids for a week or so whilst they were getting organised.
The family had obviously had an intention to "assimilate" and I'm guessing they decided to move to Australia sometime after having the second child. The kids names were (excuse the spelling for those in the know) - Shardi, Rarvi and yes GEORGE was number three! What a champion name for a kid in the 80's ??!!
My mood is a bit lighter due to the footy results, although I didn't go to the game, pleased I came home to put the boys to bed.
I'm now on leave for the next month - I.e. For as long as the boys will be with us.
Post by: Barry G on May 08, 2015, 04:09:36 PM
One wrote to the Commission for Children and Young People off her own bat to protest at the decision.
We have now lodged a formal appeal and spoke at length this morning with a high powered family lawyer, again as a result of referral by a friend in the legal field.
Now feel like we can give this a real 'crack'. Worst case, some day the boys will get to know that we left no stone unturned in an effort to ensure the best possible outcome.
Better get off here now, it's difficult to type with both of them climbing all over me! ;D ;D ;D
Post by: KingBilly on May 08, 2015, 05:34:49 PM
KB
Post by: dales133 on May 08, 2015, 06:04:19 PM
Post by: McTavish on May 08, 2015, 07:00:44 PM
Post by: vicandug on May 08, 2015, 07:38:50 PM
I work in childcare and I have seen kids being brought in hysterical as they have been moved from pillar to post, collected by complete strangers and brought in. They have stayed at different homes each night as the carers they had couldn't care for them any longer.
We offered to have them until a permanent home was found for them but nope, we aren't aboriginal so weren't suitable for long term care. But they knew me and it must be ok to send them to strangers every day. They are only 3 and 4 years old. DHS didn't see these 2 little people staring blankly interspace, didn't have a 4 year old say "I wish we could go home. They didn't know "Home'.
Then there was the 3 month old baby who was with his paternal grandmother from the day he was born until a DNA test revealed she was not the grandmother so he was taken from her in the same day the results came back to where /// who knows. But she was willing to keep him.
I really don't understand how DHS works but I do know that the rules they follow mess with little peoples heads and I don't like it.
Sorry RANT OVER
>:D
Post by: Barry G on May 09, 2015, 08:12:18 AM
Oh boy, don't get me started on DHS.What you have described is exactly what we want to avoid with our two boys. (And as far as THEY are concerned, we 'belong' to them.)
I work in childcare and I have seen kids being brought in hysterical as they have been moved from pillar to post, collected by complete strangers and brought in. They have stayed at different homes each night as the carers they had couldn't care for them any longer.
We offered to have them until a permanent home was found for them but nope, we aren't aboriginal so weren't suitable for long term care. But they knew me and it must be ok to send them to strangers every day. They are only 3 and 4 years old. DHS didn't see these 2 little people staring blankly interspace, didn't have a 4 year old say "I wish we could go home. They didn't know "Home'.
Then there was the 3 month old baby who was with his paternal grandmother from the day he was born until a DNA test revealed she was not the grandmother so he was taken from her in the same day the results came back to where /// who knows. But she was willing to keep him.
I really don't understand how DHS works but I do know that the rules they follow mess with little peoples heads and I don't like it.
Sorry RANT OVER
>:D
Every child I s entitled to a HOME, not just a roof over their heads.
Post by: glenm64 on May 09, 2015, 08:37:35 AM
What you have described is exactly what we want to avoid with our two boys. (And as far as THEY are concerned, we 'belong' to them.)Couldnt put it any better if you tried
Every child I s entitled to a HOME, not just a roof over their heads.
Post by: vicandug on May 09, 2015, 08:50:43 AM
What you have described is exactly what we want to avoid with our two boys. (And as far as THEY are concerned, we 'belong' to them.)
Every child I s entitled to a HOME, not just a roof over their heads.
I could not agree more. What you are doing is a wonderful thing. I would love to do it but would become way too attached. (I tired fostering dogs and ended up in tears every time they went to a new home).
I wish that the system would not only go by their policies and procedures but also be guided by their heart and what is best for the little people involved. I have met one case worker who was excellent and would go above and beyond even on her days off.
Good luck with it all. I hope it works out for both you and the boys.
Vicki
Post by: Apples69 on May 22, 2015, 06:22:21 PM
Your not doing a hand over in toowoomba by any chance on the 22nd May
Post by: Barry G on May 22, 2015, 08:40:23 PM
Vicki, you are so right about what should guide the process.
Apples, no, not me.
We had asked for a review of the decision, and met with the reviewer and a staff member from Foster Care Association of Victoria earlier this week. A very thorough discussion, and we believe we articulated the issues to the best of our ability,, so now it is a case of 'wait and see'. I wouldn't ever say I am confident with something like this, but We are feeling less 'disempowered' than we were earlier. At least the boys are still with us - asleep in their cots on our first night in our new (rented) house, having been given notice at the time that the issue with the boys 'blew up'. Never rains but it pours!
Post by: Apples69 on May 23, 2015, 10:04:54 AM
We have a family staying in our motel who are handing over twins boys this weekend in toowoomba
Some distant family member has come forward and is to take over carers role
All the best with your situation
Post by: vicandug on May 23, 2015, 10:16:51 AM
Why can't they just think of the kids! Its not fkn rocket science!
Post by: Barry G on June 11, 2015, 06:20:55 PM
Despite us having requested a psych assessment of the boys we have been told that this isn't considered necessary. The 'logic' is that, because we have done such an excellent job of providing them with a secure start, they are considered to be emotionally strong enough to develop strong links in their new setting. As good a 'Catch 22' as I have ever heard of.
In other words, the boys weren't given the respect of having their actual situation evaluated. From what was described by the reviewer it was little more than a review of the case file notes, on which the assessment and review were based.
Once we receive the written decision we will be off to an expert lawyer in the field.
At least we are in a position to be able to 'allocate' "four figure$" to this, will just be a 'bit' of a dent in my $uper, but as the saying goes, 'money doesn't buy happiness'. No way we are prepared to 'die wondering' about whether the outcome might have been different if we had persevered.
Post by: vicandug on June 11, 2015, 07:42:13 PM
No way we are prepared to 'die wondering' about whether the outcome might have been different if we had persevered.
Good on you! Someone has to stand up for the kids!
Post by: McTavish on June 13, 2015, 03:39:20 PM
All the best with this - said before - but it should be about the Best Interest of the Kids !
Foster to Adoption process needs to be stronger...