MySwag.org The Off-road Camper Trailer Forum
General => General Discussion => Topic started by: Azz on June 27, 2014, 07:11:36 PM
-
So, the closer to 17 than 16 wants to spend the night at a "friends" house tonight.
The same friend that 16.7 year old came home from after a party a few weeks back with a massive hickey (love bite) on the neck in a spot that could not be hidden.
Was up front with us, no parents will be home, just the two of them.
What should we do, +1 and I have very different views on this.
* Not stating sex or what my personal opinion is (I'm a boy)
-
Don't do it. Pm me if you would like to know more.
-
At some point its going to happen, I believe you can only educate them and hope that the kids have a good idea about birth control and disease. A packet of contraceptives in the bag may help as well.
I have it all to look forward to and they are only 7 and 9.
GG
-
My kids are young. I'm dreading the day I have to make these types of decisions.
Better half is much more calm than me, and I'm sure would approach such things more rationally than I. My instinct with your scenario is no way, too young, not ready for it (me!). But then there is always the 'trust factor' in the child...
Interested to hear opinions from those who have had such experiences... Might help me in future!
-
I have to say, with this child I have complete trust. I could give this one a Million dollars in cash and ask for it back in ten years and it would be produced. We have two out of the four kids that are like this.
I am interested in what other parents in a similar situation thoughts are.
-
Wouldn't let it happen under someone's else's roof. If it's going to happen I would want it happening under my roof! This way if something doesn't go to plan, Dads in the house and knows she is safe. Lesser of 2 evils I see it as.
Same as drinking. I would prefer (if it was going to happen) that she is drunk in my house than in a park or a strangers house. Remove the freedom and safety of your house, you leave them no other option but experiment without safety.
-
Just educate them be open with them and keep it lite hearted other wise they will hide stuff and wont talk to you at all
-
Was up front with us, no parents will be home, just the two of them.
What should we do, +1 and I have very different views on this.
* Not stating sex or what my personal opinion is (I'm a boy)
You have 16 going on 17 who was honest and open congrats you and swmbo must be doing something right Trust your instincts as parents . I believe educate and trust, it's what my parents did with meand I plan on doing with my kids. I was the youngest of 7, so expect my parents had so,e experience before it was my time, another important consideration is how well do you know other party?
-
I hope I am doing a good enough job, but I'm trying to raise my girls to know that as their father, 'I' am all the emotional and loving support that they will need until they find 'the one' they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I don't want them to think they need to play the field or try before they buy until they're ready to settle down. A whole world of emotional and physical problems would be avoided if kids would just abstain. Obviously there will always be exceptions to the ideal circumstances in which I would like my daughters to encounter sex, but I will try my best to raise them with good morals, and a high level of self respect so they can make the right choices in their lives and not just follow the crowd.
So would I let her go and stay over. NO.
Call me a prude or old fashioned, but I just want the absolute best for them.
Cheers
Wes
-
Just re-read the O.P. and realised he has left it gender neutral. My comments stand for my son as well.
-
I would def say NO...
You know your child well..no question there...you trust your child..even better
but what about the other person/child involved in this..how well do you know them... their friends, their home, their habits..only a naive parent thinks they know everything (not for a moment calling you that) but there are so many factors at play beyond the relationship you hold with your child that make this a bad call IMHO.
I have boys eldest 16.7
No way would I allow him to sleep at a girls place with no adults there, my job is to protect him from himself..until he can make decent decisions ...
with girls they say worst nightmare is coming home pregnant ..
with boys is worrying about who they might get pregnant. and no parent sleepovers at 16-17y/o is just asking for trouble IMHO.
Best of luck mate ,
if they end up married with kids you will be a hero with the MRs ..if it all goes to poo then it will all be your fault ..
Jet ;D ;D
-
Jet has nailed it.
You cannot win this one.
-
Jet has nailed it.
You cannot win this one.
No parent sleepovers at 16-17y/o is just asking for trouble IMHO
I have to agree with this one
Boys or Girls
-
It all gets down to trust. Do you trust your daughter?
We have two, both made their own decisions. As parents you can only set the example and trust they follow it.
Oh, and cruiser tvan is partially correct, you can't win, the females will do what they want! ;D
-
the way i see it is you blokes think that your siblings think the same thing as you did at their age ;D
oh gawd, if i knew at 15 what i know now............................ >:D
-
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I would prefer that the parents were home.
-
Ok so mine are very young but I work and deal with teenagers a lot.
My personal opinion is they are gonna try it eventurely you just he you can bring them up right.
sly school talk about it being normal wanting sex at this age and only really focus on safe sex, well it feels that way.
You can only hope you have brought them up the best possible.
The point that your child has been up front that they will be alone in the house, huge win mate you've don't something right.
An option may be to offer them to stay at your house.
If you have a theatre room let them have that for a movie night and at most joust tell them to leave doors open and just walk past a couple of times, maybe ask if they want some food or drink.
They get some privacy yet you can still monster the situation.
This is what my mum did and I am very thankful for it, he only rule was boys sleep in my room, girls in spare room. I had multiple multi sex movie nights with everyone crashing the night.
Many other parents respected this.
Again I want to point out that your child has been honest with you, just be honest to them about your worries.
-
the way i see it is you blokes think that your siblings think the same thing as you did at their age ;D
oh gawd, if i knew at 15 what i know now............................ >:D
They probably know a heap more. Don't forget it's taught as a subject in schools now!
-
Have you meet this young bloke? I would not entertain it if not! ;)
I have already told my daughter that she will need to bring home for a Dad to wannabe meeting! >:D
It's all good and fine to ask if, you trust your daughter but you need to stop and think about all the chit, that can be stuck in a drink also. :'(
Foo
-
100% jet spot on.
You can have trust, be open everything else the good parenting books teach you, but if it slips, you've just changed your life way to early.
Just deleted a big post. Above is all I will say about it. Jets right, while ever you can protect your kids do it.
Cheers
-
2 things.......!
1 Shotgun !
2 Chastity belt !
Old school .... sorry . >:(
-
Mate, got ones the same age. I turned it around, had them at my place. I take the view that they will do stuff anyway, so best to keep some control and safe. That way if my kid says get out to him, get out he will!! But I Also take him shooting, seems to keep him on his toes:)
-
2 things.......!
1 Shotgun !
2 Chastity belt !
Old school .... sorry . >:(
I only have 1 rule!
-
Mate, got ones the same age. I turned it around, had them at my place. I take the view that they will do stuff anyway, so best to keep some control and safe. That way if my kid says get out to him, get out he will!! But I Also take him shooting, seems to keep him on his toes:)
What/who's the target?
-
If the 2 of them were same gender friends would you let them stay in the house on their own?
Does your child have a phone and would they call you if things got iffy
You can't and shouldn't protect your kids from heartache but you need to try to protect them from danger.
The worst thing to do is to not trust your child and for them to think that they are not worthy of trust.
You cannot control your child's sexual experiences, the most you can do is be supportive and maybe pick up the pieces.
-
Hard call...disclaimer: I am NOT a parent . However I met my Wife when she was 16 (I was 21) She has traditionalstrict parents but I did put myself out to meet them and got along famously.We have been together for 26+ years and married for 23+ like i said hard call..Michael
-
Reminds me of a Kevin Bloody Wilson song :)
Do you !@#$ on first dates
Does your dad own a brewery
Can I feel your *&^%
Or will you show them to me
Sorry not helpful I know, it's been a long week at work...
-
Reminds me of a Kevin Bloody Wilson song :)
Do you !@#$ on first dates
Does your dad own a brewery
Can I feel your *&^%
Or will you show them to me
Sorry not helpful I know, it's been a long week at work...
Pmsl.
-
The movie Meet The Fockers comes to mind ;D
-
Thanks peoples, I am glad that we are not the only ones with this dilemma, impending dilemma ;D
Well after asking Mr 16.7 year old what he would do if he was us, well lets just say, he is in the lounge watching the footy.
We did offer the, Well she can come here for the night, instead. That was refused 8)
He did assure that he is not stupid or an idiot and wishes to be a father less than we want to be Grandparents, so I guess we have done an OK job so far.
Bloody kids, you wouldn't of "done it" in the first place if you knew the dramas...... or would we? Of course we would.
-
You have kids as repayment for what you did to your parents, ok.
-
Do her parent's approve of him staying over for the night and are they decent people?
Those are the two questions that come into my mind.
You have a hard decision to make.
Cheers
-
What a difficult question.
These are my thoughts and don't expect anyone to agree with them.
If its the thought of them having sex well they probably already have and provided;
- it was consensual with no pressure
- they like each other
- they used condoms
- treated each other with respect
then good on them.
We tend to get hung up on this stuff and most of that has been bred into us through religion whether we believe or not. We then treat it as dirty, as a sin, as 'wrong'.
Our 12yo has his girlfriend stay overnight and they sleep in the lounge not far from our open bedroom. Just annoys me that horizontal dancing is postponed in MY room for the night.
If I were in your shoes I would get them to speak to the other parent and have them ring me and we can all be on the same page as to what is going on. If both parents are happy then go for it. If either is not then they can only stay at a parented house - take it or leave it as to do otherwise is disrespectful.
Does the other young person spend time at your place? Before they stayed over parentless I would have them stay while we are home.
Good luck with it all.
-
Well after asking Mr 16.7 year old what he would do if he was us, well lets just say, he is in the lounge watching the footy.
We did offer the, Well she can come here for the night, instead. That was refused 8)
He did assure that he is not stupid or an idiot and wishes to be a father less than we want to be Grandparents, so I guess we have done an OK job so far.
I like your solution. Will have to remember when my 2 little ones get older
-
At 17 years of age my then 16 yo girlfriend and I went to a local GP and she went on the pill. I couldn't take them, so I stumped up for the bill. Her parents, mother in particular, we're very strict but all the hurdles they put in our way didn't stop two horny kids having as much sex as they wanted.
I decided that when my kids grew up, I'd prefer that their initiation to sex had a bit more decorum than my own. However, the kids mother (not the 16yo girlfriend) didn't agree and said she'd put her foot down - NIMBR!
I still believe that as long as they (2 sons) weren't bringing home an endless stream of different girls, I'd much prefer them to have a reasonably adult relationship in the safety of my home, not in the park, the back seat of a car, etc. etc. etc. I don't have daughters but would like to think I'd have the same position if I did.
When my wife and I married in 2001 (both been round the block) our youngest sons lived with us, her's 22, mine 18. Her son's girlfriend, 16 or 17 lived with us as well, with the full consent of the girl's parents. We all thought that "they're gonna do it no matter what, and better in a safe environment".
At the end of the day, the only person we would have really welcomed in the home was the girlfriend. She was delightful and easy to get on with, not so two grumpy self important boys!
-
We have not met the young lady in question, the other important factor in this is her age, 18, with her own car, still living with Mum.
Don't know the family and we have failed a Facebook stalking >:D
-
I think you have to look at the facts.
Pregnancy does happen from casual sex, whether that is in the back seat of a car or the beach.
They may have already started doing it and being together a whole night may put a different perspective on their relationship.
Ensuring either parents are home will inhibit anything they intend to do and probably drive any intents back to the back seat or some friends house.
I can't see how it can be stopped, so it may be better to offer support, ensure safe practices are available and trust the girl.
Cheers from a father that went through this a few years ago.
-
My sisters daughter is 15 and a very stunning looking girl, her boyfriend is 16... I asked my sister if she had given her the birds and the bees talk.....she laughed no And said I could, I said no as I knew what I was doing at 15-16...... ;D
-
Easy fix mate, just youtube" BAD BOYS date my daughter scene"
In all seriousness if they are ready then they are ready, I just think some parents encourage maturity before kids are ready for it these days!
Cheers,
Disco teddy
-
My sisters daughter is 15 and a very stunning looking girl, her boyfriend is 16... I asked my sister if she had given her the birds and the bees talk.....she laughed no And said I could, I said no as I knew what I was doing at 15-16...... ;D
-
You need to ask yourself, how would you feel, if your 16.5 year old comes home and says, hey dad, I'm going to be a dad.
Or your daughter same age saying the same thing.
And don't think, oh that won't happen to me. It does.
Have a think about it.
:cheers:
-
;D
-
:cup:
-
;D
x2 :cup:
-
Teenagers will have sex as they are programmed to do so by nature. If we don't want them to get pregnant then we really need to provide the boys with condoms (thrown in their dresser draw) and the girls should be on the pill.
There has been some mind blowing research into sexuality in Canada that showed;
- Women are sexually aroused (through increased blood flow to the genitals) by any display of sexual behaviour. This includes opposite sexual attractions as in a straight women is aroused by homosexual behaviour to the same degree a homosexual women is and vice versa. They were equally aroused by Bonobo's displaying sexual behaviour. They were not sexually aroused through images of hunky looking men or of flacid genitaled hunky looking men walking on the beach. They were ALL, regardless of sexual orientation, aroused by an erect male.
- Men were sexually aroused ONLY through sexual behaviour that reflected their personal sexual orientation.
Here is the link;
http://www.queensu.ca/psychology/sage/CurrentResearch.html (http://www.queensu.ca/psychology/sage/CurrentResearch.html)
http://www.mandurahmail.com.au/story/2138920/women-want-as-much-sex-as-men/?cs=32 (http://www.mandurahmail.com.au/story/2138920/women-want-as-much-sex-as-men/?cs=32)
(mods feel free to strike out any language that you feel is not appropriate)
-
Went thru similar scenario a yr ago with my eldest boy, we talked, he went and they r still together. You need to trust them, most times they make the right choice, the more u try to protect them the less exp they aquire. Of course this does not apply to all kids and not just in cases of sex, we need to stop treating kids so preciously and trust we have done a good job in raising them.
-
I have two young boys, and hide as i might, the day will come.
All you can do is educate them and most importantly, Trust them.
Id even go as far as supplying "protection" just in case that next step is taken.
-
My daughter came and lived permanently with us when she was 15, she got a serious boyfriend at 16. The boss (her stepmum) was of the opinion that they weren't allowed to lounge around in her room all over the bed, they could come out and spend time with us (she has 2 younger brothers and in my wife's opinion as the eldest she was a role model). No way was she allowed to have him stay in her room as the relationship continued over the next year, he was very welcome to stay with us and sleep in the spare room. My wife in this situation took the lead role and I supported her in it even if at times I may have been more relaxed, in the end we made the rules that both of us were happy with.
Generally they liked to stay at the boyfriends, the first time it happened I rang the dad and said that this is my daughter and we expect that they sleep separate, while this may have started out this way over time we were of the opinion that the other parents seemed to have differing morals to us.
Anyway we were always open to her about relationships, sex, being safe and making sure the first time was special. Blow me down when one day she sits down with us and says , you know how you have talked about the first time ..... Yes I reply :police:, well it's happened she says (aarrghhhh) I look my wife took a deep breath and said .... are you happy, were you safe .... Yes she says .... I reply with don't tell me anymore I'm your father .
As hard as all of these times were I find it special that she felt comfortable to talk to us and let us know that she had taken the next step, I definitely needed a scotch that night.
She went on to tertiary studies in the city while still seeing her man, she has come home found employment in her chosen field and married her man last year.
Is everything as good as we want for her as parents, no, but she's out there doing it for herself now as an adult.
1 down 2 to go ;D
Jim
-
Nice one jim, glad to hear it's worked out mate.
-
Excellent work Jim. Balanced and mature.
-
That's great Jim, congrats on doing it right :cheers:
-
Jim - that bought a tear to my eye. You and your kids will be fine. And they will respect you. Winners.
-
Mate of mine let his daughters scrotefriend move in when she was 15.. yes.. 2 of them by 18yrs old...
-
Let me start by saying that for the OP and others who have kids who are willing to etll them stuff, congrats. That is probably not only the hardewst thing to foster in a child, but the greatest achievement.
Whilst I am not sure my eldest is totally honest with us, all our kids know that no matter what happens they can call us any time of the day or night. Doesn't matter what has happened we will support them, they also know that if they have broken the law we expect them to stand up and take what comes their way. Some parents we know mistake "supporting" for protecting no matter what.
Both my boys are living away from home now, but my daughter who just turned 14 is going to be a handful when she hits that stage.
Her problem (or her boyfriends problem really) is not going to be me but her two very protective older brothers. They have already scared off one guy within an hour of her posting on facebook. Had to put a leash on both boys as if they are too heavy handed it will only send things underground, which we don't want.
I fully trust my daughter to make the right decision, wether I like it or not.
Bunyip
-
Bunyip,
Totally agree, our kids have always known that whatever the situation call and we will come, as I tell them tho we might have an intense conversation the next day.
They are not perfect and as parents we know this, agree that some parents little darlings are never wrong.
I suppose I had experience from the other side that coloured my choices, my middle sister ( I'm the baby of the family) was a right bitch to my mum and dad, drinking at 15 drugs at 16 and pregnant at 17, it was probably the thing that saved her, she now has 5 kids and 2 grand kids ???
Good mate had his first at 17, second at 19 and third at 21, jeez I was practically ancient at 22 when I had my first :-)
Jim
-
Good mate had his first at 17, second at 19 and third at 21, jeez I was practically ancient at 22 when I had my first :-)
Jim
Jim,
We had our first at 18, second at 20, third at 26. Lots of people said we would never last, we had our 20th Wedding anniversary last Wednesday.
Mind you I was not a heavy drinker and have never done any drugs (illegal drugs that is), just started young.
Bunyip
-
Jim,
We had our first at 18, second at 20, third at 26. Lots of people said we would never last, we had our 20th Wedding anniversary last Wednesday.
Mind you I was not a heavy drinker and have never done any drugs (illegal drugs that is), just started young.
Bunyip
I had my one and only at 19. He was born 7 days before my 20th.
-
I have three daughters eldest is 15 next month. 4 years ago I was worried that I would end up in jail if my daughters even spoke to a boy their age, so I had a good think about how to avoid this and decided we have no family at all in Tasmania and no boys or girls will show any interest in my daughters as they are not related so we moved there problem solved.
But in all seriousness I have no idea how i will react when my daughters starts showing interest in boys, hopefully a little different to a father of a girl I was seeing back in my late teens, I would go to their house for dinner have a few ales with her father he would have a skin full and tell me not to sleep on the couch I can sleep with his daughter, then in the morning he would drag me out of the house and try to give me a flogging in the front yard.
-
I don't have kids....God put an end to that idea. While learning we could not have children was utterly devastating, there are times when I'm glad we don't have any. I do not know what I would do in these circumstances. A bit part of me says NO BLOODY WAY but then at some point the 15 YO will be 16, then 17, then 18...etc. At what point do I as a father say its his or her choice?
A few years ago, someone on this forum posted about his personal experience where his 15YO son came home with the news he was going to be a father. The dramas that ensued with the girl's parents was epic and it made me wonder just how desperately unprepared the father was to have come to a camper trailer forum for advice. There really needs to be good support services for everyone involved in these situations.
Its funny in this day and age, we're always are complaining no one takes responsibility for their actions. Maybe this is the ultimate lesson in life for our children need to learn about taking responsibility for their actions because, lets face it, the consequences are for ever.
I take my hat off to all parents going through this no matter what you decide to do. :cup:
-
I wouldn't mind it if my daughter currently 11yo that when she starts an interest in the opposite sex (maybe who knows as she plays 2 sports where there is a fair lesbian culture in adults :o) that we could just jump to when she is married. I really am not looking forward to boys trying to get her drunk, take advantage and all the things we did when we were young. I really don't want to know when that moment has happened, will she still be my little girl :-[
-
I wouldn't mind it if my daughter currently 11yo that when she starts an interest in the opposite sex (maybe who knows as she plays 2 sports where there is a fair lesbian culture in adults :o) that we could just jump to when she is married. I really am not looking forward to boys trying to get her drunk, take advantage and all the things we did when we were young. I really don't want to know when that moment has happened, will she still be my little girl :-[
Thats funny but having a best friend who has a daughter who she fully supports in a lesbian relationship mum recons sometimes there is even more drama that a Hetro relationship so it looks like you cant win either way