Feeling sad, but stronger for my MySwag mates.

[Barry G]

MySwag is my "men's Shed", and I know t s the same for many others.
The 'squeeze' (half?) jokingly refers to the forum as "myhag", as at times she reckons I spend too much time on here.
Over the past 24 hours she has come to understand why I am a member, and consider you my friends, even though I will only ever meet a handful of you.

Yesterday afternoon I felt I had failed, because I couldn't protect our kids ( and THEY think we are 'mum and Dad', so that is what matters) from the loss they will feel at leaving us.
Your counsel has helped me keep my head together, which makes it easier to support all of my family, including our 15 year old who has been with his mum since he was not quite 1.

So, my deepest thanks to you all.

[dales133]

Hard to know quite what to say in such circumstances but your a great guy witch I can vouch for in person and totaly admire you taking on those boys at such a young age....I can imagine the devastation at the news and if I can do anything to help you take your mind off the situation or just have a yarn you know where I live, would be my pleasue

[Bird]

Bazza... Come along to the swap meet mate, bring the family.. plenty of firewood and space for you round the campfire (if those sooks can build a real fire)...

[jw2170]

X2

+3

[Barry G]

Bazza... Come along to the swap meet mate, bring the family.. plenty of firewood and space for you round the campfire (if those sooks can build a real fire)...

Thanks Bruce,
We may well have, but for a long standing extended family gathering this weekend with the maternal side of my family.
Will certainly try to get the family to a 'catch up' sooner rather than later.
Just knowing we have friends really is enough at the moment.

And a big thanks to those who have PMd me, your thoughts are care is VERY much appreciated by both Brony and me.

[McTavish]

Sorry to hear this B&B.   All I could think to do would be to keep in touch with the kids as much as possible.   When growing up we had foster kids come to our property for school holidays and one family of kids in particular.   One of the girls I'm proud to call my "sister" given how much time she lived with us as family is about relationship, respect, caring and time - not blood connections.   When old enough to make up her own mind she chose to live with us till 18.   I can only hope that you get the opportunity to have some say and opportunity for these kids to come back some time.

My personal opinion is that Australia needs to wake up to itself and lift the bar on parenthood and the responsibilities this places on the parents.  If you don't meet this then the rights of the child trump your rights as a parent and kids should be legally adopted to a family who can care for them.  Make it an open adoption situation where the biological parents have the ability to visit the kids and maybe/hopefully have some kind of relationship with them (once they can prove they have their life back in order - and of course foster care used to fill this gap IF they are experiencing a temporary situation only - maybe months & not years).  The core relationship should be one where the kids know without any doubt who is going to be there for them today, tomorrow, next year and beyond.   19 kids adopted in Qld in 2014 and how many in foster care.   End of rant...

All the best to you - bless you and your family...

[Barry G]

, for your kind thoughts McTavish.
If we can achieve some continuing contact with the boys then our concerns would be met. They will at least know that they were not abandoned. The day they came to us as babies, for 3 weeks, wecommitted to being their 'other' 'grandparents'.
Given that they will be a few hours away contact couldn't be frequent, but at least they would know we would be there for them.

Every foster carer I have met, and most of the DHS workers We have contact with (who transport the boys to & from access sessions) all say the same things:
1/. Foster carers are treated like 'cr@p' by DHS. Likewise other children in the family, including other foster children.
2/. Those who have seen t he boys develop over the past 18 months all universally ask why these boys are being moved from such a successful setting.
Unfortunately these aren't the 'case workers', who have virtually no contact with children unless they are in immediate danger.

These are the reasons so few people volunteer to Foster, and so many kids, and our society, are the poorer for it.

[McTavish]

I'll lighten the mood for you for a second - As I said my parents often took kids in and this could be for various reasons.  Not all 'Bad Family situations'.

We had an Asian family move to town with 3 kids.  The parents had to sort their stuff out including getting and moving into a house, sorting utilities, jobs etc so we looked after these kids for a week or so whilst they were getting organised. 

The family had obviously had an intention to "assimilate" and I'm guessing they decided to move to Australia sometime after having the second child.  The kids names were (excuse the spelling for those in the know) - Shardi, Rarvi and yes GEORGE was number three!    What a champion name for a kid in the 80's ??!!

[Barry G]

I'll lighten the mood for you for a second - As I said my parents often took kids in and this could be for various reasons.  Not all 'Bad Family situations'.

We had an Asian family move to town with 3 kids.  The parents had to sort their stuff out including getting and moving into a house, sorting utilities, jobs etc so we looked after these kids for a week or so whilst they were getting organised. 

The family had obviously had an intention to "assimilate" and I'm guessing they decided to move to Australia sometime after having the second child.  The kids names were (excuse the spelling for those in the know) - Shardi, Rarvi and yes GEORGE was number three!    What a champion name for a kid in the 80's ??!!

Love it McTavish!   

My mood is a bit lighter due to the footy results, although I didn't go to the game, pleased I came home to put the boys to bed.

I'm now on leave for the next month - I.e. For as long as the boys will be with us.

[Barry G]

Just 'blown away' by the support received from so many friends.
One wrote to the Commission for Children and Young People off her own bat to protest at the decision.

We have now lodged a formal appeal and spoke at length this morning with a high powered family lawyer, again as a result of referral by a friend in the legal field.

Now feel like we can give this a real 'crack'. Worst case, some day the boys will get to know that we left no stone unturned in an effort to ensure the best possible outcome.

Better get off here now, it's difficult to type with both of them climbing all over me!        

[KingBilly]

Well mate, that is good news.  Good luck with everything and keep us informed.

KB

[dales133]

Good to hear bud hopefully things work out better than they were looking for you

[McTavish]

That's good - give it a red hot go !

[vicandug]

Oh boy, don't get me started on DHS.

I work in childcare and I have seen kids being brought in hysterical as they have been moved from pillar to post, collected by complete strangers and brought in.  They have stayed at different homes each night as the carers they had couldn't care for them any longer. 
We offered to have them until a permanent home was found for them but nope, we aren't aboriginal so weren't suitable for long term care.  But they knew me and it must be ok to send them to strangers every day.  They are only 3 and 4 years old.  DHS didn't see these 2 little people staring blankly interspace, didn't have a 4 year old say "I wish we could go home.  They didn't know "Home'.

Then there was the 3 month old baby who was with his paternal grandmother from the day he was born until a DNA test revealed she was not the grandmother so he was taken from her in the same day the results came back to where ///  who knows.  But she was willing to keep him.

I really don't understand how DHS works but I do know that the rules they follow mess with little peoples heads and I don't like it.

Sorry RANT OVER

 

[Barry G]

Oh boy, don't get me started on DHS.

I work in childcare and I have seen kids being brought in hysterical as they have been moved from pillar to post, collected by complete strangers and brought in.  They have stayed at different homes each night as the carers they had couldn't care for them any longer. 
We offered to have them until a permanent home was found for them but nope, we aren't aboriginal so weren't suitable for long term care.  But they knew me and it must be ok to send them to strangers every day.  They are only 3 and 4 years old.  DHS didn't see these 2 little people staring blankly interspace, didn't have a 4 year old say "I wish we could go home.  They didn't know "Home'.

Then there was the 3 month old baby who was with his paternal grandmother from the day he was born until a DNA test revealed she was not the grandmother so he was taken from her in the same day the results came back to where ///  who knows.  But she was willing to keep him.

I really don't understand how DHS works but I do know that the rules they follow mess with little peoples heads and I don't like it.

Sorry RANT OVER

 

What you have described is exactly what we want to avoid with our two boys.  (And as far as THEY are concerned, we 'belong' to them.)
Every child I s entitled to a HOME, not just a roof over their heads.

[glenm64]

What you have described is exactly what we want to avoid with our two boys.  (And as far as THEY are concerned, we 'belong' to them.)
Every child I s entitled to a HOME, not just a roof over their heads.

Couldnt put it any better if you tried

[vicandug]

What you have described is exactly what we want to avoid with our two boys.  (And as far as THEY are concerned, we 'belong' to them.)
Every child I s entitled to a HOME, not just a roof over their heads.

I could not agree more.  What you are doing is a wonderful thing.  I would love to do it but would become way too attached.  (I tired fostering dogs and ended up in tears every time they went to a new home). 

I wish that the system would not only go by their policies and procedures but also be guided by their heart and what is best for the little people involved.  I have met one case worker who was excellent and would go above and beyond even on her days off.

Good luck with it all.  I hope it works out for both you and the boys.

Vicki

[Apples69]

B&B
Your not doing a hand over in toowoomba by any chance on the 22nd May

[Barry G]

Thanks again for the kind thoughts from so many swaggers.
Vicki, you are so right about what should guide the process.
Apples, no, not me.

We had asked for a review of the decision, and met with the reviewer and a staff member from Foster Care Association of Victoria earlier this week. A very thorough discussion, and we believe we articulated the issues to the best of our ability,, so now it is a case of 'wait and see'.  I wouldn't ever say I am confident with something like this, but We are feeling less 'disempowered' than we were earlier.  At least the boys are still with us - asleep in their cots on our first night in our new (rented) house, having been given notice at the time that the issue with the boys 'blew up'.  Never rains but it pours!

[Apples69]

B&B
We have a family staying in our motel who are handing over twins boys this weekend in toowoomba
Some distant family member has come forward and is to take over carers role
All the best with your situation

[vicandug]

It makes me so angry.

Why can't they just think of the kids!  Its not fkn rocket science!

[Barry G]

We'll, we received (verbally) the result of the review today, a couple of weeks later than initially indicated.
Despite us having requested a psych assessment of the boys we have been told that this isn't considered necessary.  The 'logic' is that, because we have done such an excellent job of providing them with a secure start, they are considered to be emotionally strong enough to develop strong links in their new setting.  As good a 'Catch 22' as I have ever heard of.
In other words, the boys weren't given the respect of having their actual situation evaluated.  From what was described by the reviewer it was little more than a review of the case file notes, on which the assessment and review were based.
Once we receive the written decision we will be off to an expert lawyer in the field.
At least we are in a position to be able to 'allocate' "four figure$" to this, will just be a 'bit' of a dent in my $uper, but as the saying goes, 'money doesn't buy happiness'. No way we are prepared to 'die wondering' about whether the outcome might have been different if we had persevered.

[vicandug]

No way we are prepared to 'die wondering' about whether the outcome might have been different if we had persevered.

Good on you!  Someone has to stand up for the kids! 

[McTavish]

Sounds like it's off to your local Member of Parliament - or A Current Affair - one of the few times I like what those guys do shedding some light on injustices with red tape.

All the best with this - said before - but it should be about the Best Interest of the Kids !

Foster to Adoption process needs to be stronger...