Teenagers and sex..... (possibly)

[Azz]

So, the closer to 17 than 16 wants to spend the night at a "friends" house tonight.

The same friend that 16.7 year old came home from after a party a few weeks back with a massive hickey (love bite) on the neck in a spot that could not be hidden.

Was up front with us, no parents will be home, just the two of them.

What should we do, +1 and I have very different views on this.




* Not stating sex or what my personal opinion is (I'm a boy)

[oldmate]

Don't do it. Pm me if you would like to know more.

[GGV8Cruza]

At some point its going to happen, I believe you can only educate them and hope that the kids have a good idea about birth control and disease. A packet of contraceptives in the bag may help as well.

I have it all to look forward to and they are only 7 and 9.

GG

[Mik01]

My kids are young. I'm dreading the day I have to make these types of decisions.
Better half is much more calm than me, and I'm sure would approach such things more rationally than I.  My instinct with your scenario is no way, too young, not ready for it (me!). But then there is always the 'trust factor' in the child...

Interested to hear opinions from those who have had such experiences... Might help me in future!

[Azz]

I have to say, with this child I have complete trust. I could give this one a Million dollars in cash and ask for it back in ten years and it would be produced. We have two out of the four kids that are like this.

I am interested in what other parents in a similar situation thoughts are.

[Bullant4x4]

Wouldn't let it happen under someone's else's roof. If it's going to happen I would want it happening under my roof! This way if something doesn't go to plan, Dads in the house and knows she is safe. Lesser of 2 evils I see it as.

Same as drinking. I would prefer (if it was going to happen) that she is drunk in my house than in a park or a strangers house. Remove the freedom and safety of your house, you leave them no other option but experiment without safety.

[Brett B]

Just educate them be open with them and keep it lite hearted other wise they will hide stuff and wont talk to you at all

[Garfish]

Was up front with us, no parents will be home, just the two of them.

What should we do, +1 and I have very different views on this.




* Not stating sex or what my personal opinion is (I'm a boy)

You have 16 going on 17 who was honest and open congrats you and swmbo must be doing something right Trust your instincts as parents . I believe educate and trust, it's what my parents did with meand I plan on doing with my kids.  I was the youngest of 7, so expect my parents had so,e experience before it was my time, another important consideration is how well do you know other party?

[grafy82]

I hope I am doing a good enough job, but I'm trying to raise my girls to know that as their father, 'I' am all the emotional and loving support that they will need until they find 'the one' they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I don't want them to think they need to play the field or try before they buy until they're ready to settle down. A whole world of emotional and physical problems would be avoided if kids would just abstain. Obviously there will always be exceptions to the ideal circumstances in which I would like my daughters to encounter sex, but I will try my best to raise them with good morals, and a high level of self respect so they can make the right choices in their lives and not just follow the crowd.
    So would I let her go and stay over. NO.
Call me a prude or old fashioned, but I just want the absolute best for them.

Cheers

Wes

[grafy82]

Just re-read the O.P. and realised he has left it gender neutral. My comments stand for my son as well.

[jetcrew]

I would def say NO...

You know your child well..no question there...you trust your child..even better

but what about the other person/child involved in this..how well do you know them... their friends, their home, their habits..only a naive parent thinks they know everything (not for a moment calling you that) but there are so many factors at play beyond the relationship you hold with your child that make this a bad call IMHO.

I have boys eldest 16.7

No way would I allow him to sleep at a girls place with no adults there, my job is to protect him from himself..until he can make decent decisions ...

with girls they say worst nightmare is coming home pregnant ..

with boys is worrying about who they might get pregnant. and no parent sleepovers at 16-17y/o is just asking for trouble IMHO.

Best of luck mate ,

if they end up married with kids you will be a hero with the MRs ..if it all goes to poo then it will all be your fault ..

Jet



 

[Cruiser 105Tvan]

Jet has nailed it.
You cannot win this one.

[Brett B]

Jet has nailed it.
You cannot win this one.

No parent sleepovers at 16-17y/o is just asking for trouble IMHO
I have to agree with this one
Boys or Girls

[Mace]

It all gets down to trust. Do you trust your daughter?

We have two, both made their own decisions. As parents you can only set the example and trust they follow it.

Oh, and cruiser tvan is partially correct, you can't win, the females will do what they want! 

[MarkGU]

the way i see it is you blokes think that your siblings think the same thing as you did at their age 

oh gawd, if i knew at 15 what i know now............................

[Supersi]

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I would prefer that the parents were home.

[Heavensent]

Ok so mine are very young but I work and deal with teenagers a lot.
My personal opinion is they are gonna try it eventurely  you just he you can bring them up right.
sly school talk about it being normal wanting sex at this age and only really focus on safe sex, well it feels that way.
You can only hope you have brought them up the best possible.
The point that your child has been up front that they will be alone in the house, huge win mate you've don't something right.

An option may be to offer them to stay at your house.
If you have a theatre room let them have that for a movie night and at most joust tell them to leave doors open and just walk past a couple of times, maybe ask if they want some food or drink.
They get some privacy yet you can still monster the situation.
This is what my mum did and I am very thankful for it, he only rule was boys sleep in my room, girls in spare room. I had multiple multi sex movie nights with everyone crashing the night.
Many other parents respected this.

Again I want to point out that your child has been honest with you, just be honest to them about your worries.

[Cruiser 105Tvan]

the way i see it is you blokes think that your siblings think the same thing as you did at their age 

oh gawd, if i knew at 15 what i know now............................

They probably know a heap more.  Don't forget it's taught as a subject in schools now!

[Foo]

Have you meet this young bloke? I would not entertain it if not! 

I have already told my daughter that she will need to bring home for a Dad to wannabe meeting! 

It's all good and fine to ask if, you trust your daughter but you need to stop and think about all the chit, that can be stuck in a drink also.   

Foo

[oldmate]

100% jet spot on.

You can have trust, be open everything else the good parenting books teach you, but if it slips, you've just changed your life way to early.

Just deleted a big post. Above is all I will say about it. Jets right, while ever you can protect your kids do it.

Cheers

[baldheadedgit]

2 things.......!

1   Shotgun !

2    Chastity belt !

Old school .... sorry .

[haywas]

Mate, got ones the same age.  I turned it around, had them at my place.  I take the view that they will do stuff anyway, so best to keep some control and safe.  That way if my kid says get out to him, get out he will!!  But I Also take him shooting, seems to keep him on his toes:)

[Bullant4x4]

2 things.......!

1   Shotgun !

2    Chastity belt !

Old school .... sorry .

I only have 1 rule!

[Cruiser 105Tvan]

Mate, got ones the same age.  I turned it around, had them at my place.  I take the view that they will do stuff anyway, so best to keep some control and safe.  That way if my kid says get out to him, get out he will!!  But I Also take him shooting, seems to keep him on his toes:)

What/who's the target?

[Alan Loy]

If the 2 of them were same gender friends would you let them stay in the house on their own?

Does your child have a phone and would they call you if things got iffy

You can't and shouldn't protect your kids from heartache but you need to try to protect them from danger.

The worst thing to do is to not trust your child and for them to think that they are not worthy of trust.

You cannot control your child's sexual experiences, the most you can do is be supportive and maybe pick up the pieces.