Author Topic: "Golf is a lot like sex........."  (Read 8944 times)

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Offline HEM19X

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"Golf is a lot like sex........."
« on: December 12, 2011, 02:52:09 PM »
I was once told "Golf is a lot like sex...you don't have to be very good at it to enjoy yourself". And I've seen people hack their way around a game, shoot more than the Aussie cricket team & all they want to talk about is "that par on the 16th". Besides there are a lot of people in the hospital that would love to shoot 100!

Some people hate it while others luv it [at the moment I'm leaning towards the later but that may change at any time!]. One of the best things is that you don't have to organise other people if you want to have a hit...we are lucky enough to live close to a course so I get to play quite often.

Anyway, now that I've had my say, I'd like to find out if anyone takes their clubs when touring? I know that space is limited in CT's but it looks like we are heading down to Victoria in April and will also be doing the Murray... With so many great courses it seems a shame not to take the clubs.

One suggestion is to just take the driver, putter & shoes [tees/balls etc] to save space & rent a set - with Mrs Hem also a golfer, this may be what happens.

Thanks in advance


Hem



 
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Offline Mace

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2011, 03:07:12 PM »
good one!

We take a mixed set and our golf shoes when we know that time/location  may permit a round: ie:

My Driver
Her 3 wood
My 5 metal

My 3 iron
etc:

I have on old square bag that takes up less space than our usuall rounds.  Sits up the front of the canopy on a ledge Ive made up.

We usually use a hire buggy.  I kno - the one set of clubs per player rule can prevent visiting some flash clubs, but we've usually been ok.

Now, the boys long weekend trips away, there another thing.  Minimum 2 bottles of red per player per night.

Favourite trips - Lorne - Angelsea
                        - anywhere on the murray.
                        - Royal Omeo and Tambo Valley Courses! (small local courses, Tambo Valley     
                          actually   encourages camping onsite).

You can be a "country" member @ Omeo, last renewal for me was $50 I think!

 :cheers:

Pic of Tambo Valley Follows:

http://www.omeoregion.com.au/tambo-golf/index.htm



« Last Edit: December 12, 2011, 03:29:03 PM by Mace »
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Offline Mace

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2011, 03:30:36 PM »
Bump:  Ive added Tambo Valleys website, its a cracker of a course.
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Offline Chippy76

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2011, 04:04:02 PM »
For me golf is like sex ...... it rarely happens and when it does Im usually drunk! lol

Cheers Chippy :D
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Offline Kit_e_kat9

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2011, 04:25:49 PM »


Ummm ... what's Golf?   >:D

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Offline Renno

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2011, 04:34:01 PM »
Cool,
I'm getting lucky Saturday at Byron..
Renno. :cheers:
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Offline theflyingbadger

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2011, 04:34:39 PM »

Ummm ... what's Golf?   >:D

Kit_e

just like a polo, but a bit bigger
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Offline gibbo301

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2011, 04:53:25 PM »

Ummm ... what's Golf?   >:D

Kit_e

Ummm ... what's sex  ;D

Offline Mace

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2011, 05:05:38 PM »
For me golf is like sex ...... it rarely happens and when it does Im usually drunk! lol

Cheers Chippy :D

Very true:

you dont usually score very well at either if youve had a few 2 many!
You think youre better at both after a few!

 ;D ;D

 :cheers:

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Offline graham

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2011, 05:28:01 PM »
count me in Hem,nothing better than letting our playing friends the value of our knowledge before and after the have had a hit , or during    cheers Graham
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Offline Redback

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2011, 05:39:28 PM »
Ummm ... what's sex  ;D

Something you do alone in private, if your married :angel:

Baz.
Cheers Baz.

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Offline Draggin

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2011, 05:45:06 PM »
A few years ago I got stuck on a desert island after my boat sank, it was a pretty lonely existance there for a while but I kept myself alive and fed.

Eventually a gorgeous woman who was doing some scuba diving came ashore, I hadn't seen or heard the boat arrive. You can imagine my excitement, she walked up the beach and I thought I was dreaming. She stopped in front of me and looked me up and down, when she spoke it was with a sultry voice that made me shiver. She said "you must have been here for a while", I told her that I had been alone for months with nothing to do but try to stay alive.

She asked if there was anything I really wanted and I said I would love a scotch or a rum, she unzipped a compartment on her wetsuit and pulled out a little flask and I knew I was in heaven. After I had a long hard drink, she asked if there was anything else I'd really like, I told her I was hanging out for a smoke and low and behold, she opened another zipper and pulled out a pack of smokes and a lighter.

As I puffed away, she asked if that was all I wanted or would I like to play a round - she started pulling down the zip from her neck line, I screamed with delight -
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Offline speewa158

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2011, 05:45:47 PM »
Something you do alone in private, if your married :angel:

Baz.
Same as if your not  >:D
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Offline MarkGU

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2011, 06:35:16 PM »
The Rules of Bedroom Golf:

    Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

    Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

    Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

    For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

    Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

    Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

    It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

    Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

    Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

    Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

    Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.

    The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

    Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

    Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

    It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

« Last Edit: December 12, 2011, 06:38:01 PM by navara04 »
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Offline speewa158

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2011, 07:06:01 PM »
& you can brag openly to your Mother in law about how you performed    >:D :o
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Offline Fivid

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2011, 07:32:57 PM »
I have a set of clubs that were given to me, apparently not a bad set however I am not a golfer and use them only for industry golf days, about every second year.  We are in Howlong, have a great golf course here and if you are planning on a game here you are more than welcome to borrow my set.  I just need a little notice to remove spiders from the golf bag first...  May also be able to rustle up a second set given a little notice.

Also some good camping in anything from parks to bush areas along the river.

 :cheers:
Dave
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Offline GU_Thomo

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2011, 07:39:49 AM »
Isn't heaven a 4WD golf course?



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Offline ralphedward

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2011, 07:20:17 PM »
I have a set of clubs that were given to me, apparently not a bad set however I am not a golfer and use them only for industry golf days, about every second year.  We are in Howlong, have a great golf course here and if you are planning on a game here you are more than welcome to borrow my set.  I just need a little notice to remove spiders from the golf bag first...  May also be able to rustle up a second set given a little notice.

Also some good camping in anything from parks to bush areas along the river.

 :cheers:
Dave

Dave

Do I get a couple of german shephard ball chasers with the clubs I borrow from you!

If not, then how the hell am I going to get  my (golf) balls out of any water on any course i play :cheers:

Regards

Mark
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Offline Fivid

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2011, 07:59:49 PM »
Well the boys love water but not interested in balls.  We took theirs away (are they still boys now?) and they won't play with any other balls now...

 :cheers:
Dave
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Offline mickkez

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2011, 08:15:10 PM »
The Rules of Bedroom Golf:

    Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

    Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

    Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

    For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

    Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

    Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

    It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.

    Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

    Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

    Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.

    Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.

    The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

    Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

    Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

    It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

 :cup: :cup: :cup: :cup: Thats GOLD

Offline Jason B

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2011, 08:23:23 PM »
I reckon golf lasts longer  :-[ :'(

Offline ralphedward

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #21 on: December 13, 2011, 08:23:39 PM »
Well the boys love water but not interested in balls.  We took theirs away (are they still boys now?) and they won't play with any other balls now...

 :cheers:
Dave
Same as the real RalphEdward, maybe we could get them interested in sticks (clubs) :cheers:
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Offline ralphedward

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #22 on: December 13, 2011, 08:49:54 PM »
Sorry  for taking the discussion off course (golf thread) but the reason I don't believe golf is like sex is whilst at sex I can achieve with single digit strokes, it takes me hundreds of strokes on the golf course to achieve a score :cup:
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Offline speewa158

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #23 on: December 13, 2011, 08:57:12 PM »
GOLF to the best of my knowledge is a game best played 1on 1 . Its short for " Good Old Lusty F " you work it out    >:D  The rest is up to your self  ;D ;D ;D :D :cup:                                 :cheers:
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Offline HEM19X

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Re: "Golf is a lot like sex........."
« Reply #24 on: December 14, 2011, 03:56:16 AM »
I reckon golf lasts longer  :-[ :'(

LOL - I think I know why too...Studies have shown that men think about sex every 8 seconds and everyone knows that we can only do one thing at a time!
I have a set of clubs that were given to me, apparently not a bad set however I am not a golfer and use them only for industry golf days, about every second year.  We are in Howlong, have a great golf course here and if you are planning on a game here you are more than welcome to borrow my set.  I just need a little notice to remove spiders from the golf bag first...  May also be able to rustle up a second set given a little notice.

Also some good camping in anything from parks to bush areas along the river.

 :cheers:
Dave

Thanks for the offer Dave, if we are in your area I might give you a call.




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